Replaced Bride
by Cassidy J
Summary: The bride disappeared a week before the wedding. The father of the groom was dying. Anyone else would have called the entire thing off... but they wanted to find a replacement. [Sesshoumaru x Kagome]
1. The Waitress

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Inuyasha.  
– Alternate Universe – Romance/Drama/Humor –  
**Summary:** The bride disappeared a week before the wedding. The father of the groom was dying. Anyone else would have called the entire thing off… but no. They wanted to find a replacement. And Kagome Higurashi seemed to be who they were looking for.  
**Rating:** "R" for adult situations, language, and just to give me breathing space.  
**To know before reading:** This is set in present-day America, a land dominated by youkai. Sesshoumaru's family name is "Kirishima" – so you don't get confused later on. Kagome is Japanese-American, and so was born and raised in the United States. Sesshoumaru, being the traditional youkai he is, insists on being known as Kirishima Sesshoumaru and being addressed as Kirishima-sama; Kagome is more Americanized.  
**REVISED:** 10/15/2006

**Replacement Bride – Part I  
**The Waitress

"No one has seen her for days, sir. We have managed to keep your father in the dark, but he demands to see her soon." The man stared calmly at his superior, hiding his unease. All knew that Kirishima Sesshoumaru was not to be taken lightly, but his affianced bride seemed to have no fear for her life. That lack of fear was not shared by Kirishima Inutaisho's guards.

"You have checked the phone records, I trust." The soft, impassive voice carried with it a silky threat of imminent death.

"The Shichinintai are on the case, sir. They believe she may have run to Japan, as she has roots there."

"After three days, you have no concrete information to hand me?" The piercing golden gaze was hidden behind dark sunglasses, but the effect was still the same.

The uniformed man swallowed. "Within twenty-four hours we shall have her destination in hand, sir," he promised rashly. Anything to get away from that look.

"Humans…" He scoffed lightly. "You are worthless laborers. Get out of my sight. Your stench sickens me." The fear permeated the entire room. It was not an odor he enjoyed in his office, though he normally enjoyed placing that emotion into the hearts of all he met.

He turned to the floor-to-ceiling glass windows, staring out at Los Angeles. That bitch Kikyou had wanted the wedding here, and his father had agreed with surprising ease. He liked the weather in California, or so was his excuse. Sesshoumaru knew his true reason—to bring his sons both together again.

The door opened, and a familiar scent brushed against him. Even thinking about it seemed to summon his half-brother into his presence.

"How many times have I told you to announce yourself before entering, half-breed?"

The contemptuous tone immediately set the younger brother on edge. Eyes the same tawny hue as all men of the Kirishima line flashed angrily. "We were supposed to check out our most recent acquisition," he said flatly, ignoring the question asked of him. "In its first month it's bounced back to bring in 4.2 more than anticipated."

Of course he knew that. All the information on their holdings and investments was stored in his mind; having his useless half-brother quote the statistics only irritated him. He turned. "Change out of that ridiculous red. You will not shame our father by appearing as nothing less than man of the world. You're no longer fifteen; don't act like it."

As expected, the criticism earned him a flat look before the door slammed shut, separating the brothers once more. There was no increase in volume outside; all employees were paid hefty salaries in exchange for discretion and professionalism. It satisfied him to hold such power over their worthless little lives; even youkai were subject to the material world, of which the Kirishima family held much sway.

Any _human_ employees only existed on the ground levels. They were too flighty and unreliable. Of course, humans made excellent bodyguards and troubleshooters. They were easily cowed by the intimidating presences of powerful youkai.

He reached for his suit jacket, resigning himself to an evening of inspection. The classy little restaurant they had bought out five months before _was_ doing remarkably well, but as of yet there had been no pruning of employees. Although _Western Lands_ brought in no complaints, he was certain there would be a select few that would be discreetly replaced. He strove for perfection, and no one seemed to meet his exacting standards.

This time would prove no different.

- - -

"A glass of cold water, please, no ice—it is mineral water, isn't it?" the elegantly dressed woman interrogated. Kagome smiled politely, pen poised to write.

"Of course, Madame."

"And a salad, with light dressing on the side. Please, no onions or tomatoes, and could you be certain to include only the leaves?"

"Of course." Kagome scribbled the complicated order down, barely resisting the urge to roll her eyes. The richer the customer, the more requests made. She smiled with false warmth at the man smiling fondly at the model (or so she guessed, by the order). First date, she judged, and there would be no more. Miss America seemed to dislike his fond affections, by the way she avoided his eyes. "And for you, sir?"

He didn't glance toward the waitress as he rapidly ordered. His face was familiar; she paused a second before placing it. Of course. Table ten, last week, a brunette in a stunning crimson sheathe. _She'd_ ordered lamb. Smiling politely, she was quick to reassure them that their order would be by soon.

A flicker at the corner of her eyes warned her of new customers. She hurried to place the couple's order, smiling with real affection as she entered the kitchen. "Hey, Jean-Paul, another steak order for you!"

"Ah, _'tite chatte_, you wound me," he declared, pausing in the action of hefting a bloody knife. "Such a classy place, and they order steak. Steak!" He sniffed. "What is he, an accountant?"

"I think he was her lawyer," she laughed. "Dark suit, subtly-striped tie, impeccable posture and completely enamored of the lady model at his side." She arched her brows with wicked amusement, and turned to smile at her roommate, who'd just entered the kitchen. "Sango, a glass of cold water, no ice, and Dom Perignon to table fifteen, if you could? I'll grab the ones who just came in. Oh, God, Anita's rushing to the counter—thanks Sang!" she called quickly over her shoulder as she rushed to the front desk without seeming like she was in an absolute hurry. It had taken her two weeks to master the brisk pace, under her friend's stern eye.

"Good evening and welcome to the _Western Lands_," she began warmly, smiling at the two men standing impatiently. No, not men—a youkai and a hanyou. She noticed the silver-white hair, immediately assumed them to be related. Both wore impeccably tailored suits. The taller of the two was wearing what she swore to be a Jaken, though it had to be extremely expensive. It was rumored that even Armani couldn't live up to the mysterious new fashion designer's line.

"Table for two?" she continued, discreetly checking them over. Slightly annoyed at the wait, though it hadn't been for more than a few seconds. They would have to go to one of her tables; Sango was methodical but a little slower, having three regulars at this time of day, who loved to strike up minor, inconsequential conversation.

At the taller man's curt nod, she infused her smile with more friendliness. Really, couldn't he loosen up a little?

"This way, please," she requested, discreetly pulling two menus from the bottom of the counter. "Would you prefer a window table, or…"

"Corner, if you have it," the other said quickly. A second glance made them out to be brothers, though there seemed to be a significant gap between their ages. The younger looked to be around her age, but the eldest seemed to be a mature, seasoned individual. Both of them had unusual gold eyes, almost unnerving as they looked her over. Had she been so rude in her own inspection? Surely not.

As she seated them, she pulled out the small pad and her trusty pen. "My name is Kagome, and I will be serving you today. Would you like anything to drink?"

The younger glanced at her and grinned, fangs flashing. "Beer, thanks." She smiled reflexively, the expression contagious on his boyish face.

"Brand?"

"Whatever," he shrugged. Her brows arched, but she simply wrote _Guinness_ on the little notepad. Then she turned her attention to the older brother, who was staring at her intently, making no intent to conceal his interest.

"Sake," he ordered, the word brief and curt. She scribbled it calmly. "And green tea."

"Guinness, sake, and a green tea?" she inquired. At their nods, she flashed another smile. "I'll be with you shortly to take your dinner order."

Pocketing the requisition, she glanced up and grinned involuntarily at the sight of Sango deftly evading a customer's wandering hands. He was one of her regulars, and was constantly asking her for dates—and being shot down swiftly. Kagome smoothed the smile from her face as she noted the harassed expression in her friend's dark eyes.

"Ah, Kagome," she greeted, moving quickly to intercept her. She lowered her voice. "Your newest customers are special, make sure you're on your best behavior."

Her brows arched. Special?

Sango smiled quickly and headed toward the kitchens. Both girls slipped through the broad doors before the other girl continued to speak. "They're the ones who bought out _Western Lands_," she explained. "I guess they're here to inspect, which means there's going to be a few people being politely asked to leave. So be careful."

"How'd you know?" Kagome asked, intrigued. Just as her friend was about to answer, an incoherent bellow made itself known from outside. Both women glanced at each other before hurrying out.

_Ah, great. An unhappy, _drunk_ customer,_ she thought, an eye on the burly man waving his hands angrily at the diminutive waitress in front of him.

"…_you_ were supposed to bring it out at the right time, but y'all fumbled't," he snarled. "Now look! She's out there madder'n hell 'cause no one can do a surprise right!"

_The first disturbance we've had in a month, and of _course_ the owners are here. Just beautiful._ She stepped between the irate customer and the cowed waitress, giving a slight jerk of her head to tell the other girl to return to the kitchen. She looked as though she were about to break down in tears. "Excuse me, sir," she began pleasantly, only to be interrupted by a tirade of epithets. She kept the soothing, friendly smile on her face the entire time her ancestry was maligned. "I understand that you're upset, sir, and it would only be natural to feel that way," she said quickly, taking his arm and patting it gently as she steered him to the back room. Luckily it was empty—more often than not a trysting couple would be in there. "If we could please talk in private, I'm certain we can get everything straightened out."

- - -

Sango glanced at the order Kagome had shoved into her hand. Beer, sake, and green tea for table twelve. She pasted a happy smile on her face as she gathered up the order and walked confidently toward the two silver-haired gentlemen staring intently in the direction her friend had disappeared with the unhappy customer.

"A Guinness?" she inquired sweetly. Startled, the younger of the two made a slight motion to claim it. "Here you go, sir. Sake—ah, for you. And the green tea as well?" She placed both items in front of the man, glad her fingers didn't give in to their urge to tremble. Pulling Kagome's pad from her pocket, she smiled. "Are either of you ready to place your order?"

"What about our current server?" The man with the sake pierced her with a steady stare.

_Don't get flustered. Be calm._ "She is handling a delicate situation at the moment and will be with you as soon as she is able. Until she can see to your needs, I will be taking over," Sango explained sweetly. It would be pointless to deny that everything happened, considering that everyone knew what just did. The noise level had grown with inane chatter and malicious gossip, especially considering where 'the conversation' was taking place. Why did Kagome have to take him to the Trysting Room, of all places?

"I see. I do not believe we are yet ready to take our order," he dismissed coolly. She continued to smile as she thanked them both and made her way to the tables she had to oversee.

- - -

Sesshoumaru looked thoughtfully at their departing temporary waitress. Then he nodded curtly toward his half-brother. "Stay," he commanded coldly, before making his way to the door that 'Kagome' had disappeared into. He would need to see how she was handling this… situation.

- - -

"Of course." Kagome made suitably commiserating noises as she offered a tissue to the now-broken man sobbing before her. "I know you love her very much; it was obvious to everyone in the restaurant," she soothed, patting his shoulder gently. "And your surprise was beautiful! I don't see why she had to get so upset over it."

"I was going to propose, and she—she said it was time to see other people," he cried. She felt her heart stir with pity, for he was indeed a pitiable sight.

Setting the stage to propose, in a restaurant he couldn't _really_ afford, in a suit he'd just bought… only to have his perfect relationship blown up. She clucked maternally, wondering what Sango would say if she saw this. "Maybe you could see this as a little time off; while you're gone, she's sure to realize what she's missing," she comforted, ignoring the smell of beer on his breath. It seemed he'd waited to down a few bottles of Guinness before confronting the employees about their 'shabby' work.

"That's right!" He brightened considerably, looking up at her with a pathetically hopeful expression. "She will, won't she?"

"And if she doesn't, she's not the right woman for you!" Kagome said lightly, discreetly moving back a step. Beer had such a _strong_ smell. "In fact, I don't think you should be here right now," she added thoughtfully. "What if she came back and saw you like this? You don't want to show her how much it hurts, right?" _Poor guy…_ "Maybe you should get home, take a shower and sleep on it so you have a bright new day to work everything out. Call her and tell her she was right, that you needed to take time apart…"

His hopeful expression fell. "But I don't _want_ her to see other people!"

"It's just a ploy! Reverse-psychology. If you tell her that it's best to stay apart, she's going to want to stay with you," she explained hastily. Once more his face brightened. She grinned weakly. "Look, I'll tell you what…" She patted down her pockets, searching. "Ah, here it is. A gift card!" She held it up in front of his nose. "Fifty dollars. Didn't know _Western Lands_ packed gift cards, did you?"

"No." He looked pathetically confused.

"Okay, look. This is good for another month. If she doesn't come back to you within a month, get a nice date and come back here. The dinner will be half paid for if you use this." She smiled kindly. "Hopefully you both will be together again, and you can propose right this time."

He was nodding enthusiastically by the time she finished. _He really _is_ plastered,_ she thought. "And next time, just do it sincerely, from the heart. No fancy trappings. Just get down beside her and ask her to marry you. No cakes or—"

"Right, right," he nodded again, so hard she wondered if he was bruising his brain. "Aw, you're such a sweet girl!" He wrapped her in a crushing embrace. Being six-foot-three to her five-foot and at least two hundred pounds heavier, it very nearly turned all her bones to powder. "Thank you for your help," he sniffed. "I'll go take that shower now!"

He loosened her enthusiastically and immediately left the room, whistling happily with his new-found hope. She fell to the floor, gasping for breath and rubbing her sternum briskly. "Ow," she whispered. Then her shoulders slumped. That gift card was supposed to be for Nick, so he could take his wife-of-six-months out on a half-anniversary dinner date. Ah well—she'd just give him fifty dollars to pay for it. Though her bank account was going to go through some serious strain…

- - -

He stepped into the room, closing the door behind him. She didn't even seem to realize he was there, by the way she was staring at the wall. His nose wrinkled fastidiously at the overly strong scent of beer all over her. "Not bad," he offered laconically.

Her head shot up, and she blinked up at him curiously. "What…? Oh, what are _you_ doing here?" Her eyes suddenly widened as her cheeks crimsoned. "I'm so sorry—I had to deal with him before I could take your order…"

"You didn't handle it as badly as I thought you would," he interrupted. "Now if you would please get off the floor, you have customers waiting for you." He'd listened to the entire conversation through the door, ignoring the odd looks he'd been thrown. It was a pleasant surprise to realize that he had someone with brains working for him, able to turn a potentially disastrous event into something that would be funny later. And that the person would turn out to be this 'Kagome' was even better. His complex mind grappled with a new, possibly crazy idea that would be the perfect solution to a crazy state of affairs.

"R-Right," she stammered, too flustered at the moment to recognize the insult. "I'll be right out, sir."

- - -

"Oh, God, Sango," she sighed, collapsing onto the couch with a fatalistic air. "They wouldn't stop watching me! It was like I was being appraised for a play by some psychotic drama coach, or something."

"Yeah, I guess." Her friend dropped listlessly onto the ground, resting her head back against the younger woman's legs. "They fired me, Kagome."

"_What!_" She bolted up, staring down at her friend in shock.

"Oh, no, they didn't _say_ that. It's just that… that older one gave me this shriveling look, like I didn't come up to par. I just know I'm going to get a letter in the mail telling me that they don't need me anymore…" her hands fluttered helplessly.

"He did that to everyone, Sango-chan," Kagome soothed, unaware of her lapse into Japanese. Her childhood companion rolled her shoulders with a forced show of indifference.

"Well, it doesn't really matter—I have that job at the video store, too, so it's not like I'll be unemployed if they do fire me." Jumping up with sudden energy, she cast a baleful glance at their extremely dirty kitchen. "We should clean up, but I really don't feel like it. But we can't cook if it's a mess…"

Kagome was already reaching for the phone. "In times of distress, order Chinese!" she chanted, laughing. "Let's get the Handsome Twins off our minds for today, okay?" The movement was quickly stilled as footsteps thudded up the stairs outside their small apartment. Cloudy blue eyes met clear cinnamon-brown in a shared glance of worry before two small tornadoes erupted through the door, one heading straight for Kagome's lap and the other for Sango's, with identical cries of distress.

"Kohaku…?" the older girl asked helplessly, kneeling to brush tears away from her baby brother's face. "What's wrong?" She glanced out the open door, wondering where their third roommate had disappeared to.

"Souta, where's Bankotsu?" Kagome carefully wrapped her arms around her younger brother, rocking him gently.

It took a good ten minutes before the boys would calm down to answer their respective sisters' questions. It seemed they had taken Kirara on a walk in the park, but Bankotsu had been distracted by a call on his cell phone, and the little kitten had disappeared when the kids played tag around the base of a tree—and then they weren't allowed to search for her because the phone call had told "Bankotsu-no-aniki" to hurry to work.

Sango's face grew darker with each second that passed by in explanation. She and Bankotsu had been dating for a year now, and it was _always_ work, work, work… she didn't even know who he worked for or what he did, though they all knew about his creepy friends who often came by the cramped apartment to visit. And, of course, complained about the size; Bankotsu could easily afford a bigger apartment, but Kagome and Sango were adamant about not depending on him.

And now his precious work kept him from finding the kitten youkai who had been with the young woman her entire life…

"Kids, stay here. Kagome and I are going to look for Kirara, so you need to stay in the apartment, okay?"

"Okay," they chorused dutifully, faces still tear-stained and nearly identical in their seven-year-old misery.

"And if either of you step foot out of this apartment, I am going to be _very_ upset," Kagome threatened. "Stay away from the stove and just play your video games, okay?"

"Okay," they chorused again, sad eyes following their sisters out the door.


	2. Found You

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Inuyasha.  
**REVISED:** format - 10/15/2006

**Replaced Bride – Part II  
**Found You

"Sango, I can't see a thing!" Kagome rocked back onto her heels, glaring at the bush in front of her. They'd been searching for Kirara for the better part of an hour now, with no luck. And Bankotsu wasn't answering his cell phone, which was somewhat unusual. He was a fanatic about answering, especially when it dealt with work or his girlfriend.

"I can't either. Where could she have gone? She's not a normal cat; she doesn't just run off." The other girl ran her fingers through her hair in agitation, loosening it from its high ponytail. Both women were still dressed in their uniforms from the _Western Lands_, which was probably why they were being given odd looks by various passers-by, on their way home from work.

Where _they_ had been until all of this happened… Kagome groaned and found a likely looking place at the bottom of a tree and settled there. Her roommate followed suit, collapsing next to her with a loud sigh. "She knew I'd be worried about her, so where did she go?"

"Maybe someone took her," came the unfriendly help. Sango rolled her eyes.

"Kagome-chan, Kirara can take care of herself. No one _took_ her anywhere without a major struggle that Kohaku and Souta would have noticed."

"True." She looked up, smiling as leaves fell from the tree. She loved winter—it was a beautiful season. "Hey, Sango-chan?"

"Hmm?"

"Is that your cell?"

The other girl blinked, automatically reaching for her purse. Then she shook her head. "No… I don't use that ringer anymore." But still, she took out the small object, checking quickly for any missed calls.

"Hmm." Kagome glanced around—they were alone. Then why was she hearing…

Eh?

Her fingers encountered a cool object. Glancing down, she saw a small black flip-phone, hidden in the bushes. It was still ringing. She picked it up.

"Ah—hello?"

"Where are you? You haven't answered any of your calls in days and no one can find you! Why aren't you at your apartment?"

"I—wait, that is—"

"_Well_?" The barely concealed impatience in the very rough, very masculine voice caused her to stutter something she probably shouldn't have.

"At the park in the center of town but—"

"What? You're still here? All right, hold on and I'll have a driver come around for you. Don't move," he ordered authoritatively. "You've given us enough trouble tonight!"

"No—oh no, you don't understand, I'm not—" The connection clicked off.

She stared at the phone in bemusement as Sango snapped her fingers in her friend's field of vision. "Kagome? Kagome? What's going on? Whose phone is it?"

She shook her head suddenly, shaking herself out of her reverie. "Uh—um." She bit down on her lower lip as she began pressing various buttons. Somehow she made it to the phone book. "Not really sure—it's not saying anywhere, but I did find the number storage."

"Well, who was it on the other line?"

"I'm not sure. I don't think I recognize the voice—but that's not the problem. They're sending a car over to pick 'me' up!" She traced quotations in the air. "They're going to be furious when they can't find her, and he didn't exactly stop to listen to my explanation…"

"Well, why not call him back?" Sango asked reasonably, already reaching for the phone.

It rang again, a cheerful, light-hearted dance of sound. Kagome blinked, automatically answering as she brought the phone up to her ear, "Yes?"

"…Who are you?" The voice was soft, lilting and feminine.

"I don't own this phone," she admitted. "I found it in the park—do you have any way to contact whoever it belongs to? I'll gladly give it back, it's just that—"

Click.

The line went dead again. She glared at the little mobile unit in annoyance. "Well _honestly_," she breathed. Her friend's brow furrowed in annoyance.

"Here, let me see that."

Kagome handed it over with a half pout. "Both of them just hung up on me!" she pointed out angrily. "That's just not right!"

"Hmm," Sango agreed, fiddling with the tiny buttons. She groaned suddenly. "Well, there goes that idea."

"What?" She scooted closer to her roommate, peering over a white-clad shoulder.

"The last two incoming calls were restricted! That means we can't call them back." She sighed loudly, glancing around. "Okay, so, there's a car coming?"

"Yeah—He must be rich. Sounded rich." Kagome stood, brushing dirt off her thigh-length skirt. She'd have to wash it. _How many clean ones are there in my closet? … Eeuck, when was the last time we did laundry?_

"…so it's going to be a nice car, probably slowing down to hunt someone down," Sango concluded.

"Eh?" Wide blue eyes blinked in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"The car? Hello? We can tell the driver what happened!" The older girl looked up from her spot on the ground, faint irritation in her voice. "You can really zone out at the oddest times, Kagome-chan."

"Yeah…" she smiled sheepishly, before taking a long look around. "We're looking for a car?"

"A nice one, probably black. They don't show as much dirt and bug guts in between washings and waxings." Sango frowned at the phone before slipping it into her pocket. "And we still need to find Kirara, too."

"I think that's the car." Kagome lifted a hand to shade her eyes as she squinted. The car was definitely slowing… yep, and stopping. Well, the _limo_, anyway. It was definitely not just a 'car'. She whistled. "Richer than simply rich, I think."

"I agree. Come on, let's—" Sango's voice trailed off as a uniformed male escaped the interior of the vehicle and came striding to them purposely. Two pairs of eyes widened and stared in blank shock as he stopped in front of Kagome, bowing politely.

"Madame, if you will come this way please."

- - -

Sesshoumaru sat calmly in the sitting room, sunglasses discarded and placed meticulously on the lamp table. He was flipping through a financial journal as his younger brother paced impatiently, tugging at his tie in annoyance. "Well, where is she?" he snapped.

"They'll be here soon. Be patient." The older youkai didn't glance up as he spoke.

Inuyasha growled softly, ready to rip off the bloody neckpiece. He _hated_ the stupid human contraptions. "How do you know?"

His brother gave him a flat look. "The driver called me."

"Oh."

- - -

She rapped on the tinted glass, trying to gather the attention of their escorts. "Hello? Really, you have the wrong woman! Look, you don't understand, I just picked up the phone… can you even hear me?"

Kagome sighed and flopped back into her seat, pinching the bridge of her nose. _They're either really good at ignoring, or they really can't hear me at all. How do I talk to them?_

The exciting prospect of riding in a limo was overridden with all her worries and her desperate need to go back home to her little brother sometime in the future. She had the nasty feeling of being abducted, though that was, of course, silly—it was simply a case of mistaken identity.

"I really want to go back to Souta tonight," she whispered. Sango reached over to squeeze her hand reassuringly.

"Don't worry. Once we get to this guy's house, we'll explain everything," she soothed, hiding her own worry. Neither the bodyguard or the driver had seemed very surprised at their protestations of mixed identity. That was worrying her.

"I hope he's in the mood to listen."

Sango frowned slightly. Her normally exuberant friend seemed so down. "Everything will work out fine!" she chirped in a deliberately happy tone. Kagome groaned and fell against the older girl, shaking her head.

"No, you're going to see. He's going to be rich and snobby and supremely arrogant and throw us out on our butts," she predicted gloomily.

"Now why would you say that?"

"Because that's what 'Kirishima-sama' of _Shikon no Tama, Inc._ would say, and I met that jerk today!"

Oh. Well, _that_ explained it. Kirishima Sesshoumaru certainly had that air about him. "Well—not all rich people are like him?"

"Hah!" Kagome snorted her disbelief. "His brother was just like him—but at least he had cute dog ears." She sighed. "I wanted to touch them."

"I did too." Sango grinned, recalling the adorable ears twitching when she'd come to bring their drinks. "Both of them were pretty handsome, too…"

"And arrogant."

"Well-mannered…"

"And arrogant."

"Very nice, cultured voices…"

"And arrogant."

"Great suits, if they can afford a Jaken…"

"And arrogant."

"_Kagome Higurashi!_ Stop being so cynical!" Sango shoved her friend into a sitting position and gave her a mock glare. "We're in a limo for the first and possibly only time in our lives, and there's champagne _right there_." She pointed. "Let's have some fun before we walk into the proverbial lion's den."

- - -

The door opened to emit two giggling girls, who were whispering excitedly to each other. He caught their words but couldn't quite understand them, as slurred and quick as they were. Somehow, he wasn't quite surprised to recognize them from _Western Lands_, and felt vaguely satisfied that the woman he was in the process of hunting down—just in case—had stumbled into his domain.

"…think we shoulda stopped… while we still could." Unusually-colored eyes suddenly rose to lock on his face. Her expression turned from laughing to surprised. "Well… hello, Kiri… Kirshimo-sama."

He fought a wince at his butchered family name, before pinning the man behind them with an unfriendly stare. "Leave."

"Yes, Kirishima-san," the bodyguard muttered in relief, closing the doors behind him. The second woman's eyes fell from him to land on his half-brother, who was standing in a state of complete shock.

"Kagome… look! The ears!" She squealed, suddenly rushing over and catapulting herself into Inuyasha's arms. Her fingers latched onto his ears to rub. "Ohhh… they're so soft!"

"Ears?" The woman who had served him earlier in his restaurant looked interested, though she didn't glance her friend's way. Instead she tottered unsteadily toward _him_, a bright smile on her face. "Your ears are cute… pointy." She lifted a hand to touch them—a far reach, considering that she fell beneath his shoulders in height, even in her heels.

He wasn't sure whether to push her away or not. There was a chance that she would cry if he did, as drunk as she was (obvious by the smell of champagne lingering around her), and he couldn't abide weeping females. Normally he would simply walk away from one, but he _needed_ this one. Even if he'd been expecting someone else when Kikyou's phone had been answered earlier—even if she hadn't spoken as Kikyou did. And some part of his mind clicked everything together.

It was perfect. If he could just get the plan past his father…

Inuyasha yelped. "Get off me, wench!" He was struggling to pull the dark-eyed girl off him, and she was just as determined to stay latched onto his ears.

Kagome burst into a sudden fit of giggles as she collapsed against Sesshoumaru, smiling up at him brightly. "Did you know that you smell good?"

"Is that so?" He peeled her off him and pushed her into one of the various chairs littering the private conference room. She nodded enthusiastically, sprawling over the plush leather.

"Kind of like… cinnamon apples and green tea."

"_Get… OFF… of… ME!_" Inuyasha grunted. He was duly ignored by the other three in the room, though Sango wrapped her legs around his hips, the better able to give attention to his hair as well.

Kagome smiled brightly up at him, peeking out from under thick, long lashes. "I really didn't like you earlier," she confided, suddenly leaning forward with a hushed air. "You are too arrogant for your own good!" She poked his chest, and he realized that he was leaning over her to sniff at her hair.

There was an odd scent there. Why was it so familiar? As though it were… Kikyou's…?

"Too confident and bullying," she added with a firm nod that connected with his chin. "Ow." Rubbing the top of her head, she hiccupped. "Oops. I had a teensy little bit of champagne in the limo." She held up two fingers with a minimal amount of space between them.

They'd probably had two full bottles.

"Don't know why I'm… ohyeah!" She hit her fisted hand into her palm. "Your driver wouldn't listen to me… you've got the wrong woman!"

He stepped back. _I am not going to deal with drunk women. Perhaps I should simply lock her into a room until she's once again sober…_

"I found the phone on the ground and someone called. I tried to explain but he wouldn't listen!" she lamented. "So rude. A little like you." Her eyes turned thoughtful for a moment. "Arrogant."

She hiccupped again. He turned away, ignoring her, only to find that Inuyasha and the other girl were rolling around the floor. She was laughing happily, and his brother was redder than the clothes he so loved to wear.

He could have easily pushed the weak human off him, but held a soft spot in his heart, much to the dismay of his older brother.

Sesshoumaru reached down to pull her off him.

"OW—FUCKING HELL—SHIT THAT FUCKING HURTS!"

The woman was finally peeled off, triumphantly holding up a few strands of silver hair. So that had been the cause of his pain? Amusing.

"Shit… thanks a lot, Sesshoumaru," he groused, pushing himself into a sitting position and gingerly rubbing sore spots on his head.

The woman writhed in his arms, reaching plaintively for the ears that so captivated her. "They're so smooth!" she whimpered. "I want to… touch them…"

Kagome seemed to perk up at her words, and crawled over on the floor to attack Inuyasha. She clamped firmly onto his ears, rubbing them. "Oooh… they _are_ soft!" she exclaimed, her eyes zoned in and fascinated. She didn't notice the arm that came around her waist, though she instinctively settled into it as though she were an old girlfriend.

Inuyasha pulled her close as he stood, giving his brother a nasty Don't-Say-A-Word look. Sesshoumaru shrugged as he threw Sango over his shoulder, seemingly bored. "The hell are we going to do?"

"Dinner is out of the question." Cool, flat golden eyes looked Kagome over. "I believe they could use a room while they get rid of the alcohol in their blood. Call Bankotsu and get all the information from him on them both. I don't want to deal with charges of kidnapping right now."

"Bankotsu!" the woman on his shoulder suddenly snapped. She went rigid against him. "Why that—he lost me cat! And he went off for work _again_ without telling me…" Tears filled her voice. "I think he cares more about his stupid job than about me!"

Kagome looked around, still rubbing Inuyasha's ears. Amazingly, _her_ eyes began to flood as well. "It's okay, Sango-chan… I'm sure he really does care… Look at how good he is with the kids!"

"He _left_ them! His job was more important than making sure they were looked after…" she hiccupped and burst into loud tears. "Bankotsu you IDIOT!"

Full lips trembled as her friend empathized—a little too much. Inuyasha began to look panicked as the salty scent of the women's distress filled the room. Sesshoumaru growled in very real irritation.

"Everything will b-be okay, Sango-chan," she sniffled. Through her hazy vision, she suddenly glared at Sesshoumaru. It seemed she'd only just realized that he had her friend hooked over his shoulder.

"Get your hands off her!" she shrieked. Inuyasha clamped his hands over his ears with a moan of pain as she clenched them tightly. Suddenly she moved from his little brother to attack him.

He, Sesshoumaru, was having his chest pummeled by a drunk woman dressed as a waitress from _his_ restaurant, who seemed to believe he was in the act of ravishing _another_ drunk woman wailing incoherently on his shoulder.

Really, there was only one thing to do.


	3. Loving Fiancee

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Inuyasha.  
**REVISED:** format - 10/15/2006

**Replaced Bride – Part III  
**Loving Fiancée

Sesshoumaru stepped out of the room with an unfamiliar sense of relief. His silk shirt was torn in places and hung off his lithe, fit frame carelessly. His tie had disappeared somewhere between the stairs and the hallway. His brother, of course, looked completely unscathed from the little tussle—but for the faint pink tinge to his much-abused ears.

"They're crazy," Inuyasha declared hotly as the made their way to the dining room for their delayed dinner. His companion made no comment, which was hardly surprising, as he tore off the tattered remains of his top. It seemed it would be 'casual wear' for supper.

"So… why are they still here?"

Sesshoumaru glanced at his brother in faint annoyance as he brushed his hand through his silky hair, allowing it to fall back into a waterfall of perfection once more. "Because, my moronic little brother, we need her."

He said the word 'need' with a subtle shade of disgust. He was good at subtle.

Inuyasha frowned. "What, Kagome? The waitress from _Western Lands_? She's nothing like Shirei Kikyou," he pointed out. "Kikyou's much softer-mannered and calm. You'll never get it past Dad."

"Father doesn't need to see her until the day of the wedding." Sesshoumaru strolled calmly into the dining room, as arrogant and confident as ever. "He just needs to believe that his cherished dream has come true."

"Look, isn't that a little extreme? Why not just call the entire thing off? Dad'll be furious if he finds out you married someone who _isn't_ from the Shirei dynasty. There's other people you can be mated to in order to strengthen our business. Besides, you hate humans."

He slanted his irritated golden gaze his brother's way. "This isn't for me. Father's dearest wish is for me to marry Shirei Kikyou because he dotes on her like his own daughter, not for the business. If it will make him happy before he… dies, then it is a small sacrifice to make." He sat regally at the head of the table, as though he wasn't shirtless and hadn't just dealt with two screaming drunks.

Forever being unable to capture Sesshoumaru's lithe grace, Inuyasha slumped in his own chair. There had been a time when, as a child, he had tried to be as much like his older brother as possible, but that time had passed, as all idiotic things did.

"So you'll enter an unhappy marriage just to make Dad's last moments happy?" he taunted angrily. "His was unhappy, too!"

Sudden silence reigned over the table. Talking about _The Mistake_ was always bad. Inuyasha shifted in his chair, angry with the uncomfortable feeling stealing over him. He glowered sullenly at Sesshoumaru. "If you ever told Dad how you felt, he wouldn't push so hard anyway."

Silence again as servants came, placing the various food on the table. Two thick, heavy goblets were filled with wine that both men quietly refused. It was quickly replaced with cool water in clear glasses.

Sesshoumaru ignored his brother as he began to eat, quickly and neatly. Their conversation had been abnormal; the lack of it was a more usual occurrence. Inuyasha picked at the succulently roasted chicken, remembering his dining experience earlier. Granted, it had been a full three hours, but he wasn't hungry.

It was amazing how much his brother could eat, though.

His mind wandered to the two women locked into the room upstairs, and he wondered if there would be any way to make that 'Kagome' amenable to Sesshoumaru's plan.

Then his eyes widened as he remembered an offhand remark of Bankotsu's, a few months ago. His girlfriend had gone out with her roommate and "the kids"…

Bankotsu, he knew, didn't have children. And with that one woman's reaction to his name, it was obvious that she was his girlfriend—and he knew they lived together because of a few discreetly placed questions earlier…

"Aw, shit," he muttered. Sesshoumaru ignored him until the unwelcome news was shared. "Your fiancée has kids."

- - -

She stirred, groaning at the pain in her head. The munchkins must be making a little village in her brain. Then she realized that moving even the slightest bit and making the slightest sound was a _bad idea_.

Immediately, her slight form stilled. But something bubbled beneath her ear. How odd… she didn't know that pillows made noises. They were funny noises, too.

_Baaalurp. Bubble, bubble. Baaaalurp._ She stifled a giggle, then moaned at the pain. They must have gone out to the club, which was funny, because they _never_ went out to the club, much less got trashed. _I must've gone out on another date with Hojou,_ she thought with an inward sigh. One of these days, she would have to tell him that their relationship just wasn't going anywhere. They still acted like the thirteen-year-olds in junior high that couldn't think of any relationship past _holding hands_, gasp!

The pillow _baalurped_ again, making her draw her brows together in a fierce frown. That was more than annoying; it was getting on her nerves. She patted it gently, mumbling something soothing beneath her breath. "Calm down, Mommy wants to sleep," she sighed.

Then her pillow groaned. Which was odd, because the groan came from her side, though she could sort of feel it emanate from beneath her ear, too.

She sat up blearily, ignoring the way the world began to spin, and fisted one of her hands, ready to beat that hapless pillow into submission. Then she blinked.

"Sango?"

Well, that explained things. Though it certainly didn't explain _why_ she'd been using Sango's stomach as a pillow, or why they both were naked.

No, not naked. Thank God. They were still in their panties…

The other girl made a little whimper, waving her hand vaguely in the air, as though to ward sound off from her ear. Then her eyes, too, opened and locked on her best friend and long-time roommate.

"Okay, what the hell did we drink?" she croaked hoarsely, after an uncomfortable pause.

"I'd say some of Johnny's flat beer, except that I don't know a Johnny." Kagome grabbed a blanket and pulled it over her, shivering as she finally realized that the room was damned _cold_.

And it wasn't her room.

"Where are we?" She frowned, trying to blink away her hangover. It didn't work, though the world did spin for a second. "And… how did we get here?"

"And who the hell undressed us?" Sango muttered, shoving her lank hair out of her face and grabbing the other end of the blanket. "God, the last thing I can remember is…" she squinted, swore lightly at the pain in her head.

Then her eyes snapped wide open. "Oh man—the _limo_. And the champagne…"

Kagome looked horrified. "We _didn't_…"

- - -

Inuyasha paused outside the door, hearing the voices from within. It looked like their sleeping beauties were awake, which meant sending a maid to get them some clothes—their old ones had disappeared, probably to the waste basket. The servants had odd ideas of what proper ladies were supposed to wear, and uniforms from a classy restaurant weren't on their list.

- - -

Kagome paced in irritation, unwilling to admit the guilty pleasure she felt as silk swirled around her bare ankles. Sango was carelessly perched in a perfectly comfortable armchair, thumbing through one of the financial magazines scattered on the coffee table. Their host had kept them in the private lounge for the better part of an hour and hadn't yet shown.

She couldn't remember the meeting, and blushed furiously when she wondered exactly _what_ she had done. She'd never been one to hold her liquor—Sango, either, though she seemed perfectly poised.

The only thing she could remember was the feel of silk ripping beneath her hands. But that had to be a weird dream.

"Hey, Kagome-chan! This says that the stocks in Jaken are worth more than the stocks in Armani. That's got to be a first!" The older girl whistled, impressed. "Wasn't Kirishima Sesshoumaru wearing a Jaken?"

"Who?" She paused in her pacing to blink at her friend.

"You know, arrogant guy at the restaurant yesterday?" Flipping a page, she continued, "I think his brother was wearing the Gucci loafers."

"I don't know why you noticed his feet, but yes, he was wearing a Jaken." Kagome frowned. "How can you be so calm?"

"Well… it might have something to do with a lovely bath, or the gorgeous clothes, but I'm quite willing to overlook any embarrassment I may have caused in order to bask in all this luxury for right now." Sango peeked over the journal to arch a wicked brow. "Why, do I look bad?"

"Of course not," she huffed with a faint toss of her head. The shimmering scent of Herbal Essences (for being such a fancy bathroom, the shampoo and conditioner had been rather convenience-store-brand...) tangled into the air at the movement. Both were dressed in nearly similar evening dresses, though the older girl wore simple black. Kagome had been shoved into a magenta strapless that showed _far_ too much of her back. At least Sango had skinny little straps crisscrossing over her skin; she had nothing. Even her hair had been put up into an easy, stylish twist.

Her friend smiled blandly. "Good." She peered down at her shoes, wiggling her toes in the strappy black sandals. "I don't know how they managed the perfect sizes for everything, though. What _did_ we do?" she mused.

Kagome frowned. Her sandals, too, had been the perfect fit, but after nearly tripping and breaking her neck in her first five minutes of pacing, they'd been tossed to the side, discarded without a second thought. "I don't know, but as long as it didn't involve strangers and a bed, I'll never complain about anything for the rest of my life," she muttered.

Sango grinned at her statement, before delving back into the oh-so-fascinating material of something that probably belonged on the desk of an… accountant. Didn't they deal with all the money aspects of life?

She gave up pacing to tour the room again, trailing her fingers over a cherrywood vanity. Oddly enough, it seemed a little out of place in the grand chamber. Everything else seemed to be vintage-era, while this…

It reminded her of a little child's play-desk in her grandfather's shrine that she had loved so. She hadn't been able to take it with her after their small vacation in Japan, but it held a dear place in her heart. That was where she had pretended to write music compositions.

Now she knew that she had no ability to _write_ music, though she could play whatever came through her mind. Not many were particularly impressed with a little flute-piece until they heard it. Such an underrated instrument, despite its ability to evoke strong emotion from player and listener alike.

Kagome sighed and collapsed onto the loveseat across from her friend. Crossing her ankles, she leaned back, absently toying with a small lock of hair that had fallen from her now-sophisticated hair. "I wonder why we're still here…"

She finally gave words to the curiosity that had plagued her. Yes, why _were_ they still in this beautiful manor, instead of being politely sent back to their apartment? It must have been obvious to their host that neither of them was the woman he'd been expecting. And had he been less impatient on the phone earlier, he would have known that.

Sango finally put down the magazine with a sigh. "I hate to break it to you, Kag-Kag…"

"What?"

"One of us probably slept with him last night," she said bluntly.

"_WHAT?_"

"Well, why else would he get us pretty clothes, if not for payment?"

- - -

Amazingly, the faintest smile tugged at his lips as he listened to the conversation. So they believed he was paying them for 'services rendered'? That would be amusing to play upon. Especially since the most risqué thing that had happened yesterday was his calling of his guards to peel one Higurashi Kagome off of him.

It was a rare woman who clung so tenaciously to him in an effort to maim instead of seduce, even when drunk. For that reason, he'd felt a slight, grudging bit of respect for her ability to stand up to him. Not a lot, just a little. Humans were fools, after all.

He continued to listen shamelessly, hand on the doorknob.

"…was probably me," Kagome groaned. Even when devastated, her voice was low and husky. Pleasant to his sensitive ears.

"Why do you say that?"

"I keep remembering ripping silk. I mean, _I_ ripped the silk. With my hands…"

"Oh, Lord. I didn't know you had that in you, Kagome!"

"Sango! I was _drunk_! God, I don't even know what he looks like… he's probably old and potbellied and smells like cigars!"

He fought the urge to roll his eyes. He was most certainly _not_ potbellied, nor did he condone the reek of smoke. Tobacco was one of mankind's most idiotic inventions, and certainly one of the most odorous. But he had to admit that he was old—in human standards.

He heard a distinctly depressed sigh. "It's sad that my first time was taken away in a drunken haze. I would have at least liked to _remember_ it."

"I wish I could forget mine," came the soothing words of her friend. "It hurt like hell and was messy. Contrary to popular belief, Bankotsu was _not_ a good lover when we first got together."

How odd. Her _first_ time? But Inuyasha said that she had children—the fool. Well, that would make his life much easier to know that she wasn't a mother. There would be no child to hide from the eyes of his father.

Despite the constant pain, Inutaisho was quite able to smell children from five miles away. It was probably his fatherly instinct—or a normal male one. Sesshoumaru certainly avoided the brats he ever scented.

"I thought I was supposed to feel sore—"

"Well, maybe he was very considerate." The friend's voice had turned thoughtful. "Or maybe he couldn't, you know, get it _done_…"

That was quite enough of listening at the door. Before long, they would paint him as a decrepit old man who could do nothing more than fondle or grope those he felt desire for.

He opened the door swiftly, interrupting them. The words were sliced cleanly from the air the moment he entered the room. Kagome was staring at the floor, not having glanced up at all; Sango turned slightly, her eyes widening at the sight of him.

He waited for the second girl to raise her eyes from the floor. When she did, he was hit again by the unusual color of her eyes—she seemed to be full-blooded Japanese, yet no Asian had such a color of cloudy blue.

She stared, dismayed, a bright flush coloring her cheeks. He could almost hear the thoughts going through her head.

_I slept… with him? _

_No. Good God, no. You can't be that cruel. _

_I know he's an absolute _dream_, but he's not _my_ dream! Please, Sango, be wrong…_

"After last night, I hadn't seen you as one to blush," he said conversationally.

The color drained immediately from her cheeks, leaving her light-headed, reeling, and stunned.

_She was right. Oh, no…_

"L-last night?" she stammered. _How smart, stupid._

"Surely you remember?" He moved closer, and she realized that no sentiment flickered on his face. Though his eyes had odd traces of emotion that she couldn't quite read, and his words were infused with amusement.

Like a cat toying with a mouse—but he wasn't a cat youkai. More like a wolf. Or a dog, she amended, remembering his brother's ears.

Which led to a question—why did only one of them have the cute ears?

A faint memory came to her head, of soft felt beneath her fingertips, before she shook it away. "O-Of course…" she murmured lamely, shooting a distressed glance at Sango.

_Her_ attention wasn't on him, but on someone over his shoulder.

Following her gaze, Kagome gave a soft gasp. It was the cute-eared brother, with… a yellow two-tailed cat on his head?

"Kirara!"

"Ah, yes." The older man glanced behind him. "She came pawing at the door this morning, fully transformed." He grabbed Kagome's arm before she could move, and propelled her none-too-gently out another door she hadn't realized was there.

"Wha—" she squeaked, her pulse rate doubling, tripling, and quadrupling within a matter of seconds. It was _not_ a good idea for any sort of physical contact between them, especially if he thought there was going to be a repeat of last night.

When the door closed behind them, he ushered her into a seat. "I am going to be quite blunt with you, Higurashi Kagome."

_Now how on Earth does he know—oh. Well, he _is_ my ultimate employer._ "Y-Yes, sir?" she asked, licking suddenly dry lips. _If he asks, I'm going to tell him _no_. Even if my job depends on it. I can always get another._

"You're going to be married to me."

She blinked.

Twice.

Three times.

And, just to make sure she wasn't dreaming, she blinked again.

"Excuse me?" she croaked. _Marriage? Isn't this a little soon? I know I couldn't have been _that_ good in bed._

"In six days' time," he continued calmly, staring down at her from his not-inconsiderable height, made more intimidating by the fact she was sitting. "You have child—"

"A little brother," she corrected automatically.

"You and he will live in a small town house I have bought, as this is my father's home," he went on without missing a beat. "You will have no contact, under any circumstances, with my father until the wedding. You will also be expected to give up your job at the _Western Lands_…"

"I—"

"…and take over social duties as hostess. You will, of course, be expected to accompany me to any events outside of the Kirishima household…"

- - -

His ear twitched violently as he listened to the words beyond the door. Sango had her own pressed against the oak, though she couldn't hear a thing. "What are they saying?" she hissed.

"He's… proposing," Inuyasha uttered in disbelief. _Even Kikyou was only expected to stay in the house and keep quiet. But he wants this woman to go everywhere with him? I don't understand it one bit._

"What!" she shrieked. He slapped a hand over her mouth, glaring at her pointedly. She blushed and said in a much quieter tone, "What do you mean, proposing?"

Kirara mewed questioningly, her head tilted adorably to the side. Inuyasha made a faint, annoyed gesture of his hand. "Shhh, let me listen."

- - -

"_Are you crazy!_" she yelped, jumping up from the chair. "I can't marry _you_!"

"Well, why not?" His brow lifted.

He asked that in such a reasonable voice, as though she were crazy to deny him. Which she was, according to 99.9 of the female population (only excluding herself and independently wealthy women who didn't like men).

"Why not?" she spluttered. "Well… well, I'm not going to marry someone I don't love, and…"

"Love is overrated," he dismissed. "You will be free to divorce me after a suitable period of time if you find someone you love." _Not._ "Any other protestations?"

"My brother doesn't know you," she tried.

"He will soon. And?"

"And… I… can't!"

He leaned forward, his nose brushing against hers. "You can. And you will, in six days' time."

"You can't force me to!" she protested desperately.

His eyes darkened. "You will marry me. Because if you don't, you'll never see your little brother again."

She gasped, outraged. "Is that a threat?"

"No. I'm adopting him."

- - -

Inuyasha blinked. "He's adopting her little brother?"

She stared at him blankly. "You had to have heard wr—"

"_WHAT!_"

The scream was clear even to Sango's very human ears. She winced.

"No way in _hell_ are you taking my little brother from me!" she yelled, grimly enjoying the way he cringed at her shouts. Then his eyes pierced hers once more.

"Do you truly think you can stand up to me?" he asked silkily. She paused.

"Well… no, but that's—"

"Then I will see you in six days."

"Wait!" She panicked as he turned to leave. He stopped.

Her mind went blank. _What am I going to…_

"I'll only marry you if you'll do one thing!"

He glanced behind him, faintly curious at her rash tone of voice. "Oh?"

She took a deep breath. _Well… they do say 'seize the day'. And this would be perfect. She wouldn't ever have to worry about anything again, and damn it, if I'm going to be miserable, she is too!_

"Make Sango marry your brother."

- - -

"You're supposed to marry me," he stated dumbly, staring at the door in shock.

The door opened to reveal a very amused Sesshoumaru, smiling blandly.

"Congratulations. You're going to be married. There will be a priest coming around in two hours' time."

He shut the door in their stunned faces.


	4. Friends Share in All Things

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Inuyasha.  
**REVISED:** format - 10/15/2006

**Replaced Bride – Part IV  
**Friends Share in All Things

The bride wore fury. The groom wore panic.

The vows were quickly spoken, the agreements stilted and cold.

The blessing had been stammered. The rings had been exchanged, two simple platinum bands a servant had run out to buy at a moment's notice.

The wedding, Kagome sighed, was beautiful.

She beamed proudly at her best friend, clapping as Inuyasha leaned forward to peck her cheek. His hands shook, and he immediately moved as far away from his new wife as he could as soon as everything was finished and the certificate signed.

Sango advanced on the younger girl, pulling her immediately into a corner. And the words that she'd spoken two hours before returned. "I can't believe this! He threatened to adopt Kohaku if I didn't marry his brother!" she seethed. "And all because of you! Why did you have to do this to me, Kagome? I thought we were friends!"

"Friends share in all things," she muttered. "Even misery."

"I don't _want_ to share your misery!" the newlywed shouted. The cowed priest did the first smart thing he'd done since he entered the manor; he walked swiftly for the door, his duty done. "Stop giving me these stupid excuses! What the hell does he have on you?"

"The same thing as he does on you," she shrugged. "He threatened to adopt Souta."

That finally deflated the bride's anger. She sighed, shoulders slumping. "But why did I have to get married, too?"

Kagome's eyes widened as she leaned forward, speaking earnestly now. Although her best friend would never hurt her (she hoped), she hadn't really wanted to speak of her thoughts until she'd calmed down. "Think about it! You don't have to worry about Bankotsu ditching the kids to go to work, you won't need to work two jobs… Kohaku will be able to go to college without any problems, and you'll finally have a stable life. Any other woman would jump at the chance!"

"I don't see you waxing eloquent about your own upcoming marriage," Sango pointed out tartly, glaring at the band on her finger as though it were a live snake.

"No, but I get the same things with Souta, too. Look, it's nothing bad, really. You've wanted to get married and not have to worry about anything; I'm your best friend. I know all your fantasies."

"_That's why they're called fantasies!_" The new wife of Kirishima Inuyasha sighed after her shout, crossing her arms in annoyance. "I haven't even told Bankotsu I was getting married. Christ on a motorcycle, but we've been together for how long now? I had a _committed relationship_, and you made me get married to some freak with ears!"

Kagome laughed nervously, threading her fingers through her hair. "But you don't love Bankotsu."

Sango glared. "You don't need love in a steady, dependable relationship. We had trust and reliability!"

"Ah-hah!" Her friend pounced. "What reliability? More often than not he dropped _anything_, even babysitting the boys, to go to some phantom job you don't even know about! And moreover, you haven't trusted him since he moved in with us. How many times have you told me you think he's cheating on you? Lack of love I can understand, I've seen that since I saw you two together." Her brows arched. "Now, on the flip side, Inuyasha doesn't love you, you don't love him, he's loaded, and he can't be any less reliable than Bankotsu or any less honest."

"Okay, that's just wrong. Since when have I ever criticized your relationships?"

"One name: Hojou," she shot back.

"Oh God. I need a drink."

_Good. She's back to her normal self._ She breathed a sigh of relief. The mention of Hojou _always_ made Sango need some steadying wine. Really, it made her need it too.

"Bad idea. Remember what happened the last time you were near champagne?" she cautioned.

"As the new Kirishima Sango, if I decide I want some wine to get a nerdy thirteen-year-old-in-a-thirty-year-old-body out of my head, then I shall have it," the older girl said haughtily, with a sharp toss of her head. "Besides, I'll probably need some every hour to make it through the rest of my life," she muttered. "How could you make me marry him?"

She shot a look full of pure loathing at her husband's back. He didn't seem to notice, being fully involved in talking heatedly with his brother, who'd avoided him until the priest came.

More accurately, he'd made sure to stick around Kagome and Sango, both of whom he'd been able to subdue with threats of adoption. As the groom seemed to have an allergic reaction (namely fear) around his soon-to-be and now-current wife, it had been a most excellent means of avoidance.

"Okay, maybe a couple sips will do you good." She sighed, rubbing her forehead. _Okay, so it wasn't the smartest thing to marry my friend off to my fiancé's brother, but it's for her own good. She'll forgive me in ten or twenty years._ "Look on the bright side—Inuyasha won't cheat on you."

"Where do you get that idea?" Sango gave her a what-planet-are-you-on look as she snagged a lingering maid, ordering the biggest bottle of wine she could find. "And don't worry about glasses!" she shouted after her retreating back.

"Don't they mate for life?"

"Those are _wolf_ youkai, my dear clueless priestess." Her tone oozed condescendence. "I don't know where you come from, but where _I_ come from, dogs will get it on with anyone or anything."

Kagome frowned. "Well, that's a little depressing."

"Precisely." She crossed her arms, pouting a little. "This is the worst day of my _life_," she declared dramatically.

"Worse than your first time with Bankotsu?"

She hesitated thoughtfully. "Okay, the second worst."

"Hmm." Kagome went silent as a uniformed man sauntered into the room, opening a champagne bottle as he walked. Bowing with a flourish, he offered the now-open bottle to Inuyasha's bride.

She blinked as she accepted it. "Jakotsu? Is that you?"

"Yup!" He grinned. "We're all here!"

Sango groaned and immediately put the wine to her lips, drinking it like she would a bottle of water after running five miles.

"All—as in Bankotsu, Renkotsu, Ginkotsu…" Kagome's voice trailed off at his enthusiastic nodding.

"All of us are bodyguards for Kirishima-sama. Sesshoumaru-sama's father," he explained quickly, before she became confused. "Bankotsu kind of guards both, and he does a lot of that… um…" he blinked. "You know, intelligence stuff. Hey, did you _really_ marry Inuyasha?" He peered at the woman guzzling champagne.

She coughed, nearly choking. "Uh—yeah," she mumbled, thumping her chest. _I can see the headlines now—Bride Drowns in Champagne Minutes After Wedding_.

"Oh, man." He sighed dreamily. "Those ears of his are sooo cute. I just want to… tweak them."

Blinking, Sango glanced over at her husband. His ears _were_ adorable, and for some reason she could remember how they felt under her fingers. "I don't think you're his type, sweetie."

"Yeah," he pouted. "I never am. Oops, there's Bankotsu-no-aniki. Gotta go guard the boss!" He saluted with a wide grin before making his way out the door.

Kagome latched onto her best friend's arm as her boyfriend (was it automatically ex-boyfriend now that she'd gotten married?) headed straight toward her.

"Hey, Sang." He used the shortened version of her name easily, though there was a strained note in his voice. She smiled weakly.

"Hey, hon—er, Bankotsu."

"So… congratulations?"

She nodded simply. "Thanks."

He grinned a little, then abruptly stepped forward to kiss her cheek. "Kiss for the bride," he said laconically. She smiled tightly.

"Oi! Bankotsu! Get the fuck away from my wife!"

Inuyasha glared furiously, golden eyes molten with sudden rage. Kagome's eyes widened. _Now, why on Earth is he so mad?_ she wondered curiously.

Surprisingly, the long-haired man took a step back, holding his hands up. "No harm done, Inuyasha-sama," he said calmly. "I'll get back up to your father now, shall I?"

"Yeah, you better fuckin' do that," he growled, moving with swift strides to put his arm possessively around Sango's waist. She blinked up at him, sufficiently mellow.

_How much did she drink in those few seconds?_ her best friend wondered. _And has he been drinking, too?_

Sesshoumaru looked unsurprised as he walked over with languid grace.

"Yeah. See you later, Sango—ah, Sango-sama." Bankotsu bowed, giving her one last, searching glance before walking out the door.

_Well, that wasn't so bad. He didn't seem very shaken up over it at all though… Hmm. Probably because these are his employers. Though the poor guy was probably stunned._ She empathized, and sighed a little. _All my fault, too. Well, it's for Sango's good. He wasn't that great of a boyfriend anyway._

"Bye, Bankotsu!" the girl in question chirped out cheerfully, waving the bottle to his retreating back. She offered it to Inuyasha. "Want some?"

Kagome's eyes narrowed as she realized the champagne was half gone. _How did she manage that?_

"Keh," he muttered, but grabbed the bottle anyway. Although he moved, taking his arm from her waist, his wife followed happily, her eyes fixated on his ears.

"They look so… soft…" she murmured as he began to drink.

He spluttered at the eerily familiar words, then swore loudly as she pounced, her hands reaching for the objects of her fascination. "Dammit, bitch, get off me!" he shouted, falling to the ground. Sesshoumaru looked down at them without pity.

"I suggest you take your foreplay to the bedroom."

"This isn't—ow!—fucking foreplay—ow!—you basta—ow!" He winced as the woman's elbows bumped his face. "Stop that!"

"How cute!" Kagome clapped her hands together, eyes wide in delight. "Look, they're getting along!"

Two pairs of golden eyes looked at her; one curious and faintly amused, the other furious. She shrugged and suggested timidly, "You could try rubbing her back. She _really_ likes getting her back rubbed."

"Why the—ow—hell am I gonna do that?"

"You might distract her?" she offered.

He growled, somehow managing to get on his feet. Sango squealed in delight, wrapping her legs around his waist and pressing a noisy kiss against his cheek. "Look! No hands!" She spread her arms out to her sides, unbalancing him.

He swore, stepped fancy, and somehow managed to regain his equilibrium. "I'm going to lock you in the damn room and never let you out," he muttered. "How much did she _have_?"

"Half the bottle. We're not really great at holding our liquor," Kagome admitted with a smile.

He shot her a 'No, really?' look as he staggered to the steps, drunk wife giggling and wriggling in his arms. Then her eyes caught on his ears again, and she began to stroke them, completely intent on her task.

Sesshoumaru's arm came around Kagome's waist, twirling her to face him easily. She pouted, having been fully engrossed in watching her very drunk best friend and her new husband. "What?"

"We need you to get out of this house," he explained simply. She immediately glared, remembering now their conversation in the study earlier.

"I _really_ don't want to marry you," she informed him.

"I know."

"I'd rather marry a pig."

"Perfectly aware of that."

"Sango and Inuyasha are going to have a blissful life compared to you and I."

"I know."

"You're a lot nicer when I'm drunk."

He stared at her. She interpreted his impassive face as a 'Where-the-hell-did-that-come-from' look.

"Well, I don't remember anything."

"I noticed."

"Which is why you're nicer."

"I see."

"Because I can't remember you being mean," she continued to explain.

"Of course."

"I _really_ don't want to marry you," she repeated.

"I know." He backed up, falling gracefully into an armchair behind him and pulling her onto his lap. This was going to be long.

"You're arrogant."

"I know."

"Rude."

"So I have been informed."

"Omniscient."

He smirked.

"Filthy rich."

"I know."

"Completely underhanded."

"I know."

"You can't say anything other than 'I know'."

"Is that so?"

"Yes!"

He handed her a glass of champagne, though she had _no_ idea where it came from.

"Thank you," she murmured politely, taking a sip.

"You're welcome," he uttered gravely.

She slanted him a look over the rim of her glass.

"I _really_ don't want to marry you."

"So you've said."

Silence again. She sipped at her champagne again, then frowned when she realized the glass was empty. How odd.

"Feel okay?" he inquired solicitously. She frowned thoughtfully.

"I think so," she said solemnly, looking up at him. "Did you know that your little crescent…" She reached up to poke his forehead. "Is a different color from these?" She stroked the lines on his cheeks gently.

"Yes."

"Oh." She smiled brilliantly and set her glass down with care. "I'm _really_ not good with drinking," she apologized.

He bit back a sigh. "I know."

"Are you trying to get me drunk?" She tried to glare at him, but failed miserably. Her eyes wandered to his ears, and she immediately leaned forward to stroke them.

After all, Sango was married and she stroked _her_ husband's ears. So it was the thing to do, right? _Right_, her drunken mind informed her.

He purred even as he frowned at her. She giggled and repeated the gesture. He purred again. His chest rumbled, delighting her entirely.

"Ooh… so _that's_ why she does it."

_So maybe the wine was a bad idea… but it still worked. At least she'll be mellow when she hears._ "Listen…"

"Hmm?" She continued to stroke his ears. He fought the crazy urge to purr. _I'm a dog youkai, not a cat. This is beneath me._ He slapped her hands away, but she just brought them back, unfazed.

"I didn't sleep with you last night," he told her bluntly.

She tilted her head and continued to stroke his ears. "I know. I slept with Sango!" She beamed as she remembered correctly. "We were both naked!"

"Except for your underwear," he muttered. "You don't understand. We. Did. Not. Have. Sex."

"Of course not!" she gasped, outraged. Her hands fell from his ears. "I don't sleep around!" Tears filled her eyes.

_What the hell is with females being emotional when they're drunk?_ "I never said that," he soothed. _Better just to lock her in a room until the ceremony. Then keep her locked in the room until the day she dies. Makes my life a lot easier._

One tear slipped. She sniffed. "Marriage is built on trust and reliability!" she half-quoted Sango.

"Is that so?" He hurriedly wiped the teardrop away. _I hate the smell of salt._

"Yes." She nodded emphatically. "My friend has great knowledge on the subject. She's married," she informed him gleefully.

"Oh?" He knew exactly who she was quoting, having heard their conversation from the other side of the room. His hearing was impeccable.

"Yep. So you have to trust me when I say I've never slept around!"

"Okay." _Good. She's not crying._

"Do you sleep around?"

"No," he lied. Well, didn't precisely lie. He was very picky with his bedmates. But she didn't need to—

"You're lying."

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are!"

He glared at the insufferable woman gracing his lap. "I have no need to lie."

"Don't you want our marriage to work?" Her brow furrowed.

He bit back a sigh. "Not particularly." _There. Blunt and truthful._

The tears came back. "But you're supposed to!"

"I don't want to marry you. My father wants me to."

The tears disappeared into a fiery glare. "I'm not that ugly!"

"You're not ugly. I just don't like humans."

"Yeah? Well for your information, I'm not human!" she snapped angrily.

He barely kept himself from sighing. _She's a menace to my reputation._ "Then what are you?"

"An angel!"

Now he wanted to smile. "Oh?"

She nodded firmly. "Hojou says so. Oh, God, Hojou." Her eyes widened in horror.

"Hojou?" He barely restrained the growl. She was going to marry _him_, not some sap-faced idiot who called her an angel. It was obvious he'd never seen her drunk.

"My husband," she blurted out.

His left eyebrow twitched slightly. "Husband?" he asked dangerously.

"Well, not really a husband. We, um, we got married when we were six." She straightened at his dubious look. "It's true! Father Sandbucket married us!"

"Father… Sandbucket?"

"Yes! He told us to kiss each other after we promised to stay sick and healthy."

"I see." The urge to kill abruptly faded in his chest. Well—not quite faded. More like the target changed from the unknown Hojou to his lovely fiancée. She was _nothing_ like Kikyou.

She sighed, depressed. "He's going to cry when I tell him I'm marrying another man," she predicted gloomily.

Sesshoumaru grabbed her chin and forced her to look at him. "Kagome?"

"Yeah?"

"I. Am. Not. A. Man." He bit out the words.

She frowned, and tentatively poked his chest. After a moment, she ran her hand over it searchingly. Then her hand moved lower. "Are you sure? You don't have breasts and I'm pretty sure that's—"

He grabbed her wrist and nearly broke it as he flung it away. "I'm a _male youkai_. Not a _man_."

She gave him an 'I'm-not-really-sure-where-you're-coming-from' look. "Is it that important to you?"

"_Yes_."

She sighed. "The things I do to make our marriage work."

He barely restrained the urge to choke her. "We're not married."

"We're not?"

"No."

"But I thought we—oh, yeah!" She nodded. "Sango got married to Inuyasha!" Her eyes suddenly returned to his ears. She immediately began to stroke them again.

He was _not_ going to purr, dammit.. "Kagome?"

"Yes?"

"Move your hand up a li—yeah. Right there."

And he purred.


	5. It's Fate

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Inuyasha.  
**REVISED:** format - 10/15/2006

**Replaced Bride – Part V  
**It's Fate  
_(More Like: It's CJ!)_

Kagome cracked an eye open as shouting made its way through her walls. The words were muffled, but for some reason she had the feeling that Sango was yelling at someone. Which was impossible, because Sango wasn't in Kirishima Sesshoumaru's personal home. Right?

After a moment she groaned and forced herself to sit up, brushing her bangs from her face in a tired movement. She'd stayed up _late_ last night, though she couldn't exactly remember what she'd done. Oh. Right. She blinked a little, remembering the move of Kohaku and Souta to the new house. Surprisingly, Sesshoumaru hadn't objected to _both_ boys coming with them.

Which wasn't such a bad thing, so she could possibly do with taking a step back and re-evaluating his character, but that had been quickly negated when he'd _told_ the kids she'd been _drinking_. That was just… wrong. He wasn't supposed to tell them she was doing something she probably shouldn't be doing! Especially when _he_ wasn't in charge of said kids. Frowning, Kagome slowly pushed herself out of bed, grabbing the robe that had been draped over a chair and pulling it over her with a little sigh. She needed to check up on Souta and Kohaku, make sure they were doing fine and not making a mess, or—

"Kagome-chan!" The door burst open to reveal a very frazzled, very messy Sango. Her eyes were a little wild, darting from place to place, her shirt buttoned wrong and her skirt backwards.

She blinked to make sure she was seeing things correctly just before her best friend tackled her. "Kagome-chan, you _have_ to help me! You're the one that got me into this, so you _have_ to! Just tell him to let me go!" she begged, pulling on her arm. "I can't deal with another night like the last one! I'll absolutely _die_!"

"Uh—" she responded cleverly, not quite awake enough to deal with… well, anything besides going to the bathroom, brushing her teeth and combing through her probably-worse-than-Sango-looking hair. "What are you talking about?"

"What am I talking about?" She threw up her hands. "What do you think I'm talking about? White hair, golden eyes, rough hands…" Her eyes began to glaze over. "Long fingers, claws, fangs… God, those fangs. No! No, no, no, no, no!" She shook her head frantically. "You have to get me away, Kagome-chan!"

The other girl let out a little "Eep" as her shoulders were taken and shaken. "I-I don't know what you're talking about, Sang-Sang…" _Why on Earth is she fantasizing about Sesshoumaru, anyway? _

"My _husband_!" she yelled. "Get me away from him! He's going to drive me absolutely crazy!"

"Husband?" A familiar voice piped up in inquiry. Both women turned to blink down at the two little boys just inside Kagome's door. "Nee-chan, did you get married?"

"Oh—what are they doing here?" Sango squeaked. "Um… Kohaku… that is… yes, I did, but… um…"

"Oh! So Bankotsu-no-aniki is staying with us forever then?" Huge brown eyes widened in delight. Souta clapped his hands giddily at Kohaku's words.

"N-No, no, you see…"

"Come on! Let's get the Playstation running so Bankotsu-no-aniki can play with us!" Souta squealed, running out as fast as he could. Kohaku flashed his big sister a wide smile before turning to follow.

"Eh? What's this about Bankotsu?" a very familiar, very irritated voice growled. Kagome winced as she heard a petrified "meep" come from her little brother. Sango paled.

Inuyasha appeared in the doorway, little boy hanging from his hand. "Hey, Sango! The fuck you think you're doing, running off like that?" He was saying more than that, too, but Kagome's ears had shut off after she noticed how much disarray he was in. In fact, it reminded her very much of her best friend. Their clothes seemed to have been _very_ hastily put on, and his waist-length hair was even more tumbled about than Sango's. And was… that scratch marks on his cheek? And a mark on his neck? She turned slowly to check her friend's neck. Yep, one there, too. What was going on…?

Ahh. So she wasn't fantasizing about Sesshoumaru earlier. Got it. Kagome struggled against the grin that was threatening to split her face apart as she re-tuned into the conversation.

"…you ever touch any of those boys again and I will cut _off_ your hands and feed them to the sharks!" Sango shouted, stamping her foot.

"Keh! It wasn't my fault he ran into me and wouldn't move!" Inuyasha crossed his arms after dropping the boy onto the ground, who didn't seem to care. He was wholly involved in staring up at the stranger. "Besides, if you cut off my hands I wouldn't be able to t—" Somehow, his wife had managed to jump across the room in less than a second to slap a hand over his mouth.

"Don't say it!" she warned. He narrowed his eyes at her. She glared.

Kagome bit back a yawn and decided that she _really_ didn't want to get into any sort of marital discussions between the two. Their glares alone were absolutely lethal. Which reminded her of Sesshoumaru, really, which was funny because, well, she should have been thinking of him in the first place—like before he, too, appeared in her doorway to scowl at the crowd.

"Good morning!" she chirped. Well, chirped as much as she was able, between yawning and fighting giggles at the yelling going on between her best friend and her best friend's husband.

"Not so very," he muttered, obviously taking her greeting seriously. "Inuyasha, what sort of idiot yells at his wife this early in the morning? Get the hell out of my fiancée's room—you shouldn't be in here while she's not dressed, anyway! Souta, Kohaku, don't you have games to play? Sango, I realize you are a very recent addition to the family, but I do _not_ tolerate this." His coolly impassive, all-encompassing stare did nothing to deflate her temper, but the newly-wed woman muttered some sort of apology before flopping down on Kagome's bed, giving her husband a rather defiant look.

Inuyasha muttered a soft "Keh!" before departing with the children, who were excitedly now yabbering about some sort of game with fighters and swords.

"Out." Kagome raised her hand and pointed her finger imperatively to the door. Sesshoumaru gave her an incredulous look. "OUT!" She raised her voice, and he gifted her with a very _flat_ look before sauntering out, closing the door firmly behind him.

"Now." She turned, crossing her arms and staring blandly at her best friend. "What on Earth is going on here?"

Sango blushed a little and grabbed a pillow, squeezing it to its doom. "Well…"

- - -

"Why are you here?" he asked bluntly, leaning back in his chair and staring at his younger brother over the top of his desk. Inuyasha scowled down at the buttons of his shirt, trying to fit them into the proper holes this time.

"My _wife_… you know, the one you made me marry? The one I didn't _want_ to be married to? Yeah, well, she came over here and I followed. Got a problem with that?"

"Yes." Sesshoumaru tapped his claws against the desk. "Have you any idea how loud your infernal racket is?"

"Ooh, I'm so sorry," his brother sniped.

He tried a different tack. "Is that a bruise on your neck?" He knew perfectly well it wasn't—the slight addition to Inuyasha's scent told him as much—but the question would probably fluster him.

"Uh…" he shifted and concentrated harder on the buttons. "Something like that."

"So, she bit you?"

"Um… I don't think she realized what she was doing at the time," he mumbled.

"Did you mark her?" Of course he did. He'd smelled the change in that human woman's scent the moment she'd stepped into his house.

"Something like that…" he swore as he popped off a button and ripped a new hole into his shirt simultaneously. "Dammit."

"Something—ah." His brows rose, partly in amusement and partly in annoyance. "You made her your mate because you lost control?"

The color rising in Inuyasha's cheek answered that question wonderfully. He decided to take advantage. "Did she realize what you were doing?"

"She knows a lot about youkai," he bit out, shifting uncomfortably again in his chair.

"Really… now how would you know such a thing? From what I gather, you weren't doing very much… talking on your wedding night."

"We talked… a little."

"Hmm. Oh, I see. To calm her down before you pounced?"

"I did _not_ pounce," he gritted out between his teeth.

"So what did you do?"

Inuyasha paused, before shifting again and slumping in his chair.

"You pounced, didn't you?"

"Yeah."

- - -

"So you… bit him?" Kagome blinked.

"Well… he bit me first," Sango defended herself, nervously plucking at the pillow. "It's, um, well, youkai mark their, uh, mates." _Demon Education in the early morning._

"Okay." She bit back a smirk at her best friend's obvious discomfort. "So I guess he was good enough for you to—"

"Kagome!"

"—want him to stay in your bed night after night?"

"You don't understand! I don't… I need to get a divorce! Or annulment or whatever!"

"Well…" Kagome squirmed. "You can't… really do that."

"Why not!"

"You have to stay married so that I marry Sesshoumaru, and well… it's already a done deal and… um… he won't let you divorce Inuyasha anyway."

"What?"

"He's the one with all the power in the family, so you're out of luck on getting out of the marriage. By the way, congratulations."

"Thank—grr. Stop that! You have to figure out how to get me out of this!"

"Is he good in bed?"

Silence.

"On a scale of one to ten…"

"Fifty. Or so. But that's not the _point_…"

"Keep him," Kagome decided. "Much better than Bankotsu. You said he was an eight."

"Marriage isn't based on sex!" Sango yelled.

"Yours is," she pointed out, earning a bop on the head from the much-abused pillow. "Ow!"

"You deserved it!"

"I did _not_," she protested, outraged. "I was only telling the—ahh!" She jumped up and bolted out of her room, only to be chased by a pillow-wielding Sango. "I swear, don't hurt me! Don't!"

- - -

"Absolutely not," Sesshoumaru denied immediately. "Any judges you attempt to contact regarding a divorce or annulment will find themselves with a swift death in their immediate future."

"Sess—"

"No."

"You don't understand! We have nothing but sex in common!" Inuyasha muttered. "I wasn't even supposed to have a mate for another hundred years!"

"You're precocious. Good for you."

"Sesshoumaru," he growled.

"You'll just have to deal with it." He twirled a pencil idly between his fingers, tilting his head slightly at an odd sound his house had probably never dealt with before. It sounded like Kagome screaming for help and Sango threatening her. By Inuyasha's rapidly twitching ears, he heard the same thing.

And so it was without… much… surprise that Kagome burst into the study and jumped over the desk to land in his lap, clinging to his neck, with a furious Sango behind her, throwing her pillow with what could be deadly accuracy if it hadn't been so… well, so fluffy.

"She's going to kill me," Kagome moaned, tightening her grip on his neck. "You have to save me!"

Judging by the very _nice_ move Inuyasha had executed—snatching the pillow out of midair and grabbing Sango's wrist to pull her into his lap—he didn't need to do much saving. "You're fine."

"You don't understand—she's _never_ going to stop hunting me." She peeked a glance at her best friend, reassured when her death threats had been transferred to a new object of attention—her husband.

"Do you get off by scaring the wits out of me like that?" she was demanding, glaring heatedly at the younger Kirishima. "I could have _died_ of a heart attack!"

"Die—hmm." A speculative gleam lit his eyes. "That's one way to get out of—"

"_NO!_" three voices shouted in unison. Well, two shouted, and one just… stated. Very loudly. Inuyasha blinked in all innocence at his brother, his wife, and his brother's fiancée.

"Now, what on Earth spawned that?" he pondered. Sango pulled on his forelock. Hard.

"Don't even _think_ about killing me," she warned. He winced.

"You know, that feels much better when you don't _yank_ it." Kagome was certain her best friend didn't realize that she was now threading her fingers absently through his thick silver hair, smoothing out various tangles. She was too busy yelling. Still.

Kagome tuned her out, turning her own attention to her robe, tugging the lapels together and blushing fiercely. It was too much to hope that Sesshoumaru hadn't seen much, by the odd gleam in his eyes, but still. She wasn't going to parade around half-naked.

He leaned down to whisper in her ear. "I think their marriage is going off well, don't you think?" Warm breath tickled her skin, and she shivered involuntarily.

"Um… Yeah. Something like that," she agreed, focusing her gaze on some point over his shoulder.

"Your dress should be here tomorrow."

"Dress?" She blinked at him in confusion, noting how warm his tawny eyes were. Well, warm wasn't quite the word. Heated was more like it.

"For the wedding."

"Wedding?" she repeated stupidly, wondering at the small scar arcing out from his left eyebrow. Cute scar. Sexy scar. Very nice… matched with his crescent mark.

"Where we get married?" he prodded helpfully.

"Oh… _that_." Her fingers twitched. She wanted to… touch it. _Touch the pretty scar, Kagome._ No. Had to keep her hands to herself.

His gaze fled from her to focus on something behind her. She didn't care, completely and totally absorbed in… the scar. God, she wanted to… to touch it…

"If you two could leave your marital _bliss_ to your bedroom, I'd be forever grateful." His dry voice barely made it through the haze in her mind. When it did, Kagome turned sharply to stare at a sight that would be forever engraved on her mind.

Sango had been thoroughly shut up in what had to be a very… well, very _fun_ way. Inuyasha's hands were all over her back and thighs, and she was kissing him with very appearance of enjoying it to the fullest. She grinned. It wasn't hard to figure out how they'd spent _their_ wedding night.

They also didn't seem to be hearing Sesshoumaru's words. Which wasn't so bad. He turned his chair—_Rotating chairs! God, these are fun!_—and stared down at her. She stared back.

"Hi?" she offered tentatively.

"Aren't you supposed to greet me with a good morning kiss?" he asked, his lips twitching slightly. _Is he… is he smiling?_ She blinked, her gaze moving unerringly toward the scar. _Pretty… touch. Want to touch it. I'll call it Fluffy and it will be _mine_. Yes…_

"Not until we're married." Good line. Very good.

"What a pity," he murmured, running his fingers through her hair. Very _tangled_ hair.

"Ouch."

"Calm down, I'm getting the tangles."

"Oh." She reached up to touch the—no. Ears. Ears are safer. Not the scar. The very sexy, very alluring scar.

"Don't—oh. That's nice." He arched his neck slightly as she rubbed the sensitive spot behind his ear. "Um—breakfast. We're going out."

"Hmm," she agreed, still staring at the scar. Then…

"So cute!" Sango gushed. "Inuyasha, they're going to be a _perfect_ married couple!" She turned a sharp smile in her husband's direction. "Unlike us."

He muttered something under his breath as Kagome hid her face in her hands and Sesshoumaru simply stared at them both with an utterly bored look on his face. "You might want to get dressed. We're going out for breakfast."


	6. The Kitchen Scene

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Inuyasha.  
**REVISED:** format - 10/15/2006  
**Co-Writer and Beta:** Jae

**Replaced Bride – Part VI  
**The Kitchen Scene

Kagome stirred her tea, watching the sugar dissolve. She'd had to go through the ritual of making the hot drink herself, something that never failed to soothe her. Luckily there weren't as many servants in Sesshoumaru's own home. She stifled a yawn and lifted the delicate china cup to her lips, sipping carefully at the scalding liquid. Her brows arched slightly as a young woman stumbled into the kitchen, pushing back a mass of disarrayed tresses from her face.

"Hey, Kagome," Sango mumbled, grabbing a seat and falling into it with a little sigh. "Wasn't sure if my legs would keep my weight the entire way here!"

"Yeah?" The younger woman tilted her head slightly. "What happened?"

"What do you think?" She raised a hand, punctuating her words by ticking the events off her fingers. "Ravished against bathroom door, ravished on bathroom floor, ravished in the shower, ravished drying off _from_ the shower, ravished getting into the room, ravished on the bed, ravished trying to get dressed—have you any idea how hard it is to put clothes on with a hanyou holding _impossible_ stamina grabbing for you at every turn?—ravished trying to get out the door…"

Knowing full well that her best friend could go on—the evidence of her marriage's success in the bedroom had been strewn all over the house, from discarded clothing to tipped-over vases—Kagome raised her hand to interrupt. "Okay, okay, I get the point!"

Sango groaned, but perked up as she saw the little cup. "Ooh, tea? Thank you, darling!" She snagged the drink and sipped with a little moan. "Heaven. God, I miss tea. Hell, I miss food and drink. He never lets me out of his arms, much less into the kitchen." She made a face. "Actually, I refuse to let him in the kitchen, because I know you'd never eat again if we were in it."

She flinched away from that mental image. "Really, I hope you exaggerate…"

The flat look on the newlywed's face nixed that in the bud.

"Oh. Well, you're forbidden from being in the kitchen. So there."

"Mmm…" Sango sighed and propped her chin in her hand. "Kagome?"

"Hmm?"

"Out of you and Sesshoumaru… do any of you have a completely unremarkable friend or maybe a houseplant I could go to dinner with on Saturday night?"

Kagome glared at her friend immediately. "You're married, Sango!" She leaned forward to snatch her tea back with a little pout. "Have you been drinking again?"

"I don't have time to breathe, much less drink," she muttered testily. "No, seriously, do you?"

She frowned a little. "Why?"

"There's one thing our marriage is based on, besides mutual disgust—sex. I want to go out and have a date again, preferably with someone who won't put holes in windows because he throws a temper tantrum. Oh, and if my date were cute, he'd remind me a little _too_ much of the _lovely_ family I was so _happily_ married into…" the sugary sweetness of her last words had Kagome scooting a little farther from the table, just in case. Health hazard staring her right in the face, and its name was Kirishima Sango.

"Well… at least I know where the broken window came from," she muttered, before raising her voice. "Sure. Hojou—"

"_NO!_" Sango shuddered. "Okay, maybe I should go with the houseplants. The Kirishimas have such wonderful variety, you know—I've spent enough time in various rooms to notice."

"That's true. They don't lack in them at all…" Kagome looked thoughtful. "Then again, they _are_ rich. So of course they would have some. Hi, Sesshoumaru," she continued without missing a beat, as her fiancé headed for the fridge and hunting through it. "Anyway, there's that one that's in the living room…"

"No, no, definitely… feminine. A little too feminine. Pretty sure he's a girl."

Kagome's brow quirked slightly, then she frowned. Yes, the daintiness of it definitely screamed _woman_… so plants did have genders after all. "Okay then… Oh, the one in the western wing is _gorgeous_. Perfect lines, and so beautifully color-coordinated!"

"Hmm… oh, the red-and-green? No, too Christmas-y…" She pouted a little. "Hmm, how about the one in your room? Makes it so much more cozy in there, maybe—"

"No. I'm keeping him, he's my company when I get bored at night," Kagome sniffed.

Sesshoumaru's attention wavered from hunting for a bottle of sake to the conversation between the women. _Who the hell is keeping her company at night?_ he wondered with a growl. _And how can she be so shameless as to speak of him in front of me?_

"This is harder than I thought," his brother's wife muttered. It was then he realized… _Is she planning on cheating on Inuyasha?_

He slammed the fridge shut and stared flatly at the women, conversing still, oblivious to his presence. "Well, why not just take Bankotsu again?" Kagome asked bluntly.

Sango sighed. "Kagome, you don't understand. It's like… okay, let me put it this way: sex with an ex can be depressing. If it's good, you don't have it anymore; if it's bad, you just had sex with an ex."

"Ohh… That makes sense." She bit her lip thoughtfully. "What about the one in the north room of the western wing? You know, the tall one?"

"I know that one! He's quite exotic, isn't he?" The enthusiasm in her voice hammered at his control.

"I agree. I think I might be jealous," his fiancée was saying.

"Oh wait—how about…"

"Let me guess—tall and lean, rather husky, almost extravagant in its simple lines but with all the—"

"Yes!" Sango crowed. "He has quite the seeds, I must admit!"

He lost it then. "What the _devil_ are you two talking about?" he snarled. They turned to blink up at him innocently, wide smiles gracing their faces.

"Why, plants, of course, darling. Are you hungry?" She stood and opened the fridge, peeking inside. "Well, there's a lot in here, but I'm too afraid to move things around in case your cook gets upset when she comes in tomorrow morning. Can you make an omelette?"

Still a little miffed by their apparently innocent conversation, he crossed his arms and graced her with bored look. "The only thing I've ever successfully made in the kitchen is a mess. And several small fires."

He managed to say that so elegantly, with a coolly precise tone, that both women began to laugh. "Okay then, I guess I need to cook. Sango, think you can cut some onions for me?"

"Ah, a white man," she noted sagely. "Though I didn't realize I was supposed to chop up my dates?"

"It's not for your date. It's for food."

- - -

**CJ's Blurb:** Short. But I had to get this out, since I'm not sure what else I want to put in this chapter. Jae helped write it She came up with all the Sex and the City quotes, and helped me a lot with the plant conversation…


	7. Hello, Mrs Jaken!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Inuyasha.  
**REVISED:** format - 10/15/2006

**Replaced Bride – Part VII  
**Hello, Mrs. Jaken?

_Bored. Bored, bored, bored._

_Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored._

_Bored, bored, bored… I lost count again._

Kagome growled and slammed the papers onto her (Sesshoumaru's, actually) desk. "First it's this, now it's that, then it's that and finally it's this. _What_ is going through that thick head of his? Assuming any thoughts make it past his hair." She pouted and crossed her arms in a childishly defiant manner, tilting her chair back grumpily.

Yesterday it had been a makeover—which she'd protested over to no avail, ending up having her hair cut to a fashionable bob, her eyebrows painfully waxed, her _bikini line_ even _more_ painfully waxed, light frosting added to her naturally _black_ hair (it made no sense to her), and a whole new wardrobe (in jewel tones) bought. Normally, she would have loved all the fuss and bother, but only when the choices were hers.

Not _his_.

Her too-arrogant, know-it-all, too-good-of-fashion-sense fiancé who _wasn't even keeping her company_.

"Arrgh!"

She slapped the palm of her hand onto the desk, wincing slightly at the jarring pain. Of course, it didn't distract her from pushing herself into a rather stupendously _fine_ state of fury.

"Does he _really_ think I'm supposed to go along with his… his… _preposterous_ proposal if all I can do to keep myself occupied is to see how many times he uses 'I' in his reports?"

"I think so." The second voice floated in from a side door. Kagome frowned at the new arrival.

"Sango, that was shorter than normal. Only fifteen minutes?"

The older girl shrugged with a laugh. "Inuyasha had a business meeting. Why, should I feel used and abused?"

"Something like that…" Her mood darkened immediately. "He left me _again_ this morning without a _single_ word! Does he really think I'm going to keep letting him do this!"

"Probably. It's not like you've been standing up to him about it. Everything else on the face of this planet, including your hair, but not this."

At that nasty little grain of truth, Kagome growled. "Sango…" the warning in her voice was clear.

"All right, all right. I'll let up on the hair."

"…Sango…"

"Fine, fine. How about we change the subject entirely—like, to dinner?"

"Di—oh, _no_!" She jumped to her feet. "I forgot to call the main house!"

"What are you talking about?" Sango tilted her head curiously.

"The cook! He fired her yesterday, and I was supposed to call the main house to get a replacement. Oh, _why_ does he do this to me?" she groaned, jumping to her feet and dashing out the door to find a phone. It didn't occur to her to use the one that was _right on the desk_—after all, she was still new to the desk-business.

"Ah…" The older girl sighed as she trudged along behind her energetic companion. "So this late in the evening, that means we have to cook?"

"No, I'm sure we can get something from there. Or order out." Kagome grabbed the portable and hit "1"—the speed dial of the kitchens. Her foot began tapping at the third ring and no answer.

"Is anyone even there?"

"Doesn't look like it…" she tucked the receiver more firmly between her ear and shoulder, reaching into her back pocket for a small black book and flipping through the pages. "Guess we're ordering out. Um… pizza?"

"The boys will like that." Sango snagged the phone, hanging it up. "There's only one problem."

"What?"

"Them." She jerked her head slightly in the direction of the window. Kagome turned to look, blinking slightly at the unfamiliar figures walking up the driveway. One was obviously a _very_ well dressed youkai, and the other…

After a moment of silence, she did a quick check of her clothes. Slim black skirt, white blouse. Plain, but fine. Sango, on the other hand, was still dressed in a robe—probably because Inuyasha had a tendency to take her out of clothes before she was even in them…

"Hurry! Go get dressed!" she hissed, pushing her best friend toward the stairs.

- - -

"You have never designed a line for women's clothing before, dear. Are you sure you are up to it?"

"If Kirishima Sesshoumaru wants something, I am up to it," Jaken replied calmly. "And as I hear it, his wife will be a good specimen."

"Oh?" the woman asked, sounding slightly piqued.

"Not as wonderful as you, of course, my love." He lifted her hand to kiss the back of it gently. She smiled, appeased.

The door opened just as they reached it, spilling light much brighter than that of the evening sky. A young girl stood before them, smiling sheepishly. "Good evening!"

"Good evening." Jaken frowned, addressing her in Japanese, rather affronted by her crass English. "I am here to see Sesshoumaru-sama."

"He's at a business meeting. I'm sorry—you could come in, if you like…" She stepped back to wave them through rather nervously. "I'm not, um, sure when he'll be back. Oh! I'm sorry—I'm Higurashi Kagome."

_Good Japanese. A very slight accent, but that is to be expected._

"This is my wife, Nanda." Jaken introduced her somewhat pompously. He always did so—showing off his pride of her as openly as he could. "And I—I am Jaken."

"Kagome?" his wife interjected. "Is it not Kirishima Kagome?"

"Er—no. Not yet, anyway." She waved them in again, closing the door behind them as they entered the much warmer atmosphere of the building. "The wedding isn't for another week… or so. Um, may I ask why you're here?"

_Nervous. Odd—I would have expected him to marry a more sophisticated woman. Though… she looks much like Kikyou. Hmm, well, it isn't my place to worry about it._ "My husband is to take measurements for your wedding dress, dear." She spoke kindly, trying to put this 'Kagome' at ease. _So young…_

"M-my wedding dress?" she stuttered. "Oh. Um. I… that is…"

"Hmph. I think a traditional kimono would work. You are Japanese, yes?" Jaken looked her over calmly, circling.

"Well—yes. Mama and Daddy were…"

"Very good, very good. Then a kimono it shall be. Though Sesshoumaru-sama shall wear a tux, yes? One of mine, in fact." He laughed. "The best of the best for Sesshoumaru-sama. Hmm, a mix of traditional and modern for the wedding plans, then—keep that in mind. It all revolves around the bride and groom, which in turn takes into account their dress. So any old plans—change them. Hmm. Nanda, what think you?"

"Of course, dear," she agreed complacently, gifting him with a loving smile.

To be quite perfectly, bluntly, and horribly honest—Kagome _really_ didn't see what Nanda had for the tall toad-like man. And he had an amazing resemblance to an old portrait of Sesshoumaru (in droolworthy ancient armor) being followed by… well, a miniature Jaken with a staff, completely with buggy yellow eyes and beak.

Perhaps she should… no. It would be rude.

But his wife seemed to understand her faintly appalled/somewhat curious look.

"While he goes off on his creative spree, we should talk." She patted the couch next to her, eyes warm and welcoming. It was no wonder that Jaken held such love and pride of the woman—she had a great heart.

"Mm," Kagome agreed nervously, sitting beside her.

"You are wondering how we became a couple?"

"Well…" she fidgeted. "Not exactly… uh… I see you two love each other very much," she added lamely, feeling horribly… horrible.

"Ah, no worries." She laughed. "Many see his outward appearance and wonder. It is normal human nature. However!" She raised a finger. "It is not the nature of youkai. You should know that."

Kagome lowered her head slightly. "You—you're a youkai?"

"No, no. Perfectly human, dear." She chuckled. "Much to his dismay, of course." Her husband was standing with a far off look on his face, mumbling to himself. "The age difference, you understand." Her voice lowered slightly to speak that phrase, then rose again. "To be honest, I met him when I was trying to get into my car. I had locked my keys inside!" She shook her head. "And he came and broke my window to get at them. And paid for the bill to fix it…"

Her eyes glistened as she recalled that moment. "He was so gallant and sweet!"

Tears came to Kagome's eyes as she heard the deep, abiding respect and love in the older woman's words. "That's so romantic."

"Yes. Yes, it was. Not more romantic than our first date, though. A picnic by the pond he grew up near as a child. Why, you wouldn't _believe_ the stories he had about various fish youkai in the vicinity." She chuckled. "And he knew the _perfect_ place to sit… and watch the stars…"

"Stars!" Jaken snapped his fingers. "Perfect idea, my love. Yes, a crescent moon shall be tattooed to her forehead—to mark her coming to the family, of course—and stars shall embroider her sleeves…"

Completely oblivious to what he was saying (being too caught up in the youkai's wife's memories), Kagome leaned closer. "When did you two decide to marry?"

"Oh!" Nanda laughed brightly. "He proposed to me, if you would believe it, when we were on our way to his first fashion show. He got on one knee in the limo, and there! 'Nanda, my love. You are what allows me to show my warts with pride.' Well, right there, I was _completely_ enthralled. I was so happy…"

"Oh!" Kagome clapped her hands together. "That is _so_ sweet…" she sighed.

"No, no, warts won't do…" Jaken mumbled.

"Would you like to stay over for dinner? We don't have much…" she flushed slightly. "That is, our cook, ah, couldn't make it tonight. I was thinking of ordering pizza—the boys love it so much, you see…"

"Jaken loves pizza," Nanda replied happily. "You have children? I do too—so many, in fact, that…"

"No, no! My little brother. I don't think I'll have children for quite a while yet…"

"Oh, not if I know Sesshoumaru," the older woman said slyly, arching a brow. "I wouldn't be surprised if you were pregnant right now, in fact. He would want you to be."

"Eh—ah—wh-what!"

"You know, to keep you living as long as possible. Their researchers have yet to find the Fountain of Life, so there's only one other way to have longevity as a human. To have youkai blood in you." Nanda sighed. "Well, we've tried blood transfusions, but… the youkai blood burns itself up and disappears. The only other way we've found out is to stay pregnant—our children would be _half_ youkai then, you see, and as they are connected to us… we do not age normally when such occurs." She smiled. "I should tell you about our first couple years with children—oh, how nervous Jaken was…"

_Pregnant… you mean…_

_Ohhh, no. I really don't think so._

She tried to force her mind back onto track of listening to Nanda speak of their (very, very, very many) children. But…

_PREGNANT!_

_I REALLY DON'T THINK SO, SESSHOUMARU!_

_You and I are having a TALK when you get back from that meeting._

_Oh yes…_

_Definitely a 'talk'._


	8. The Talk

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Inuyasha.  
**REVISED:** format - 10/15/2006

**Replaced Bride – Part VIII  
**The Talk

She paced impatiently, fingers tapping against the small piece of paper Nanda had given her earlier. A number for a midwife who specialized in hanyou births. More importantly, the midwife who had assisted Nanda through several - several, several, several - children.

Blue eyes snapped furiously. _Pregnant? I really, really don't think so._

Not that she didn't want kids - she did! - but he hadn't even mentioned the possibility. Hadn't even mentioned anything, in fact. And she wasn't relishing the thought of being well-nigh permanently pregnant for the rest of her natural life.

No way.

_Pace, pace, pace._

"You're a little too strung up about this," Sango noted calmly, carelessly curled up on an armchair while reading _The Secrets to Youkai Sexual Relations_, which held really no secrets at all. Well, except the little bit about scratching just beneath his armpit - but that was definitely not something she was going to do.

"Too strung up?" Kagome whirled on the girl angrily. "You do realize that you'll probably be going through the same thing, don't you!"

"I want kids," the other girl replied simply enough, deflating some of her friend's righteous anger.

Kagome pouted just so slightly, turning away. "I do too, but that's not the point here!"

"Uh-huh." Sango flipped a page, whistling softly. "Hey, apparently dog youkai can purr."

"I know." Petulantly.

"Really? Inuyasha doesn't purr. I wonder why they purr? Oh, here it is - _Fanon concept_. I wonder what that means?"

"It's theoretical in nature," Kagome supplied testily. "Didn't you read the glossary?"

"I didn't know _you_ did," she evaded the question with an offensive strike, smirking slightly as her companion colored.

"Well - boredom…" she excused herself with a little mumble, staring intently at the desklamp. Sango shook her head, glancing out the window as something caught her eye.

"Hmm, a car pulled up. Looks like your husb--fiancé is home."

Kagome whirled sharply, eyes glinting with fervor. "Oh?"

"Oh, wait. It's Bankotsu." Surprised, Sango dropped the book and walked over to the window to peer down. "Maybe you should see what he wants? I'm not sure it'll be a good idea for me to--"

"You mean you don't want to deal with your ex," Kagome supplied dryly.

Sango lifted her chin haughtily. "If he is only here to speak to Inuyasha or Sesshoumaru, I rather think he should do so painlessly, without having to see me. That's all."

"Uh-huh." Kagome rolled her eyes as she walked out of the study. "Of course, lady innocence."

- - -

She crossed her arms, seething at the wait. _'Kirishima-sama wishes to speak with you'!_ Kagome scowled. _If he really wanted to speak with me, why is he making me wait? Him and his arrogance! And why couldn't he come home to speak with me anyway!_

Fume. Seethe. Snarl at the poor guy standing at attention beside the large, oaky-looking-metal-sounding (at least when tapped on) door.

Then when that door finally opened to admit her, Kagome stormed inside and slammed it behind her, not wanting the bodyguards to hear her rant and rave like a fishwife.

"Pregnant? Do you honestly think I'm going to let you do that to me?" she yelled, advancing on the desk. "I really don't look forward to being pregnant the rest of my life! And don't you start protesting, because Nanda told me everything! Absolutely everything! I don't want fifty kids. She has twenty and she's still three months pregnant. That has to be illegal, and what if I'm infertile anyway? Then what are you going to do, find some scientific way to get me pregnant? And besides, who said I ever wanted to be with you forever anyway?"

She took a deep breath, about to launch into her second paragraph, when the poor man questioned, "Kikyou?"

Kagome paused, eyes finally focusing past her rage upon the Sesshoumaru-look-alike sitting so composedly at a desk she'd certainly never seen before. Sesshoumaru-look-alike, except he didn't have Fluffy - er, the scar - on his eyebrow. And his face was a little leaner, as though he were… ill?

"Kago-" she was about to correct, before stuttering to a halt. Oh, dear. Was this Sesshoumaru's father? Bankotsu certainly hadn't specified that Sesshoumaru had called for her… what had he said? Oh, yes, _'Kirishima-sama'_. Oops.

And wasn't she supposed to… well, _not_ speak with the man?

"Um," she mumbled, glancing over her shoulder. "I think I should be…"

"You look rather peaked," he continued blandly, as though he hadn't heard her tirade at all. "I suppose that son of mine hasn't been making sure your needs have been looked after. Obviously you should stay here until the wedding - can't have you looking this sickly when you walk the aisle as his bride."

"Sickly?" she asked, feeling her stomach roll nauseously. Yes, she certainly felt sick right _now_.

"We shall have a room prepared for you immediately, and I will expect your presence at dinner." His critical eye looked her over. "Shirei Kikyou disappeared, I take it?"

Blink. Blink.

"Who?"

"Hmm, your predecessor. Well, no matter. I expect you at dinner and we shall speak then." He opened a drawer and began lining up various bottles. "I won't be done taking medication until then."

Blink, blink, blinkityblinkityblinkblink_blink_. That was a _lot_ of medicine. And hadn't dinner already passed?

"… you are dismissed," Kirishima pointed out gently enough, motioning toward the door.

Kagome turned slowly, wondering just _what_ had transpired and - well, _why_ - only to have her thought processes very rudely stopped as Sesshoumaru materialized in front of her.

And it had to be Sesshoumaru, because no one quite held her arm in a bruising grip like he did.

"Oh, hello…" she offered awkwardly, feeling herself tilt a little to the side. Didn't she have something she wanted to say to him? … she'd forgotten.

"Father," he announced blandly. "I believe Kikyou is not feeling well, and I will gladly accept your offer of hospitality for her until she feels better."

"Of course, Sesshoumaru." The words were slightly garbled as he guzzled some water and a few pills. "Though that isn't Shirei Kikyou, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't think I was a fool." Pause. "She's a virgin, but I smell children on her. Why?"

Twitch. Oh yes, she _felt_ him twitch. Perhaps his absolutely-cannot-be-broken-ice-façade had a weakness after all - his father. "… Brothers," he admitted tersely.

"I see."

"Bro_ther_," she corrected primly. After all, Kohaku was Sango's brother.

"Ah, very good." Kirishima toasted her with a tilt of his waterglass, looking at his son in amusement. "Can't even get control of your second fiancée?"

"It was an honest mistake," Sesshoumaru gritted out.

"His name is Souta!" Kagome cheerfully pitched in. "Wonderful kid, though he makes messes with chocolate. Kids tend to do that, I've noticed."

"Ah, yes. Sesshoumaru was the same when he was younger. Inuyasha, too." A fond smile crossed Kirishima's face as he leaned back in his chair, medication temporarily forgotten. "The stories I could tell you…"

"Did they play in mud?" she questioned, honestly curious. Sesshoumaru's grip tightened.

"Oh, several times. I recall once where Inuyasha managed to shove Sesshoumaru's face in the dirt, too." He laughed. "The first time, but not the last, where they'd scuffle a bit. Once Sesshoumaru even came home missing an arm. What a fighter, that Inuyasha."

"Hmm, let's just hope he doesn't teach his kids worrisome habits." Kagome frowned. "I'm not sure Sango would appreciate it."

"Sango?"

"His wife," she explained - again helpfully - as Sesshoumaru's grip tightened again. Very painfully, in fact.

"Wife? And that ungrateful son of mine doesn't bother informing his father of the fact!" He thumped on the arm of his chair angrily. "Why, after all I've done…"

"He didn't even invite you to the ceremony," she commiserated.

"Much less tell me he found a woman to mate with! They are mated, I assume?"

"Absolutely smitten. Bitten. Or something." Kagome nodded.

"Very good, very good! I shall have to pay that ungrateful son of mine a visit. Hah! Ignoring his poor decrepit father the way he has!"

"Cruel," she agreed.

Sesshoumaru began inching toward the door, dragging his erstwhile fiancée with him. "Father, if you may excuse us…"

"Go on, go on. But I need to have a talk with you and that brother of yours later! Not inviting me to a ceremony - hah!"

"Of course…" Sesshoumaru agreed between gritted teeth as Kagome curtsied beautifully.

"I'll visit you soon, father-in-law-to-be!" she chirped, while being dragged forcefully out the door.

"Don't forget to tell that wretched son about your pregnancy!" he called out helpfully before the door slammed, then began growling about his sons all over again.

Kagome looked at Sesshoumaru curiously. "Really, your father is such a _nice_ man. Why didn't you want me to see him before?"

He glared at her. "How was I supposed to know he'd take to you? Oh, wait - you're a madwoman. Clearly he sees an affinity in you."

She gasped. "Madwoman?"

"Yes." He shoved her into the arms of a passive guardsman with a growled, "get her _outofmysight_. And bring Inuyasha to my office. _Immediately._"

Just before he turned to leave - ignoring the sputterings of poor Kagome - Sesshoumaru turned and frowned at her. "You're not pregnant."

"Of course I'm not!"

He arched a brow. "Father said--"

Kagome gasped again. "That's right, _pregnant!_ Sesshoumaru, you lowlife creep, I can't believe you never bothered telling me you were going to keep me pregnant for the rest of my natural life!" Her voice raised to a near-shriek, though the bodyguard stayed passively still - which would definitely earn him a raise later, if Sesshoumaru ever remembered to do that. "How could you keep such a secret from me? I never said I wanted to be with you for life!"

His eye twitched slightly, but Sesshoumaru managed to say - with commendable restraint, "I never said we would share a bed, did we?"

Pause. Blink.

"Oh. Right."

Sesshoumaru ignored her then, turning sharply on his heel and making his way to his office. Really, getting married was such an arduous ordeal.


	9. Uncomfortable Silences

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Inuyasha.  
**REVISED:** format - 10/15/2006

**Replaced Bride – Part IX  
**Uncomfortable Silences

Kagome gazed innocently over his shoulder, boring her eyes into the picture of Sesshoumaru's father (at least, she assumed it was the father) as he continued to lecture.

"I told you to keep away from my father at all times…"

_Not my fault Bankotsu dragged me there,_ she thought idly, wondering if Sesshoumaru's nose was a little thinner and longer than his parent's. Of course, it was hard to tell from painted pictures.

"Where you got such a ridiculous idea…"

_Um, Nanda. Who's married to a youkai. Didn't I mention that?_ Hey, look, a fly on the wall. Stare at the pretty fly, Kagome. Stare at the pretty fly.

"…would appreciate it if you would look in my direction…"

_No, thank you, jerk._ Pretty fly was happily traipsing over the picture. _Hi, pretty pretty fly._

"Kagome!"

"Yes?" She jerked her attention from the fly - who'd she'd decided to name Lily and breed with another fly, in order to have multitudes of flies to look at during Sesshoumaru's lectures. Of which there were many, this being only the latest.

"You aren't listening to a word I'm saying." He stared at her coldly, and she returned her gaze to the fly.

"I'm sorry," she apologized, oozing honey and sweetness while never looking at his face. The insincerity of her words was blatant, proving that little Kagome was well and truly pissed.

Sesshoumaru seemed disconcerted for a moment upon realizing that (being far too busy yelling to notice the tense shoulders and clenched fists, after all), and frowned. "Perhaps you should return to your room. Your temper may have cooled a bit by dinner."

"Yes, Father," she mocked, turning on her heel (regretfully leaving her dreams of a fly and a family of flies behind) and stalking to the door. Sesshoumaru closed his eyes, feeling the frustration and irritation build.

"Kagome…"

She looked over her shoulder, arching her brows pointedly. The youkai snapped his mouth shut, realizing that he had, indeed, sounding like a father lecturing an errant daughter - then simply motioned arrogantly to the door.

Kagome's eyes narrowed, and she stormed out of his study, seething. "_Sango!_"

No response.

"Saaaaaaango!"

Still no response. Kagome frowned, then remembered - Inuyasha was home. Mostly because Sesshoumaru had made the recklessly fast drive home when he heard that his father had decided to speak with Kikyou, and ended up talking to Kagome instead.

"Kikyou can have her life back, as far as I'm concerned," she muttered, shoving her hands into her pockets and petulantly making her way to her room. Sulking in there was sounding pretty good about now. "Would be great if she could just waltz in and kick me out. God, I miss the apartment. And I miss Souta. I can't believe I'm grounded from seeing my own brother." Disgusted, she kicked at a small nerf ball (one of Kohaku's toys). "Keeping him at the main grounds - oooh, that man is just getting worse every day!"

Her lips thinned. The _nerve_ of Sesshoumaru and his high-handed, arrogant ways. "Serves him right if I just walked over to the main house and told Kirishima-sama that I would take him up on…"

_Well, why don't I?_

Kagome glanced behind her guiltily, as though expecting to see Sesshoumaru sneaking up behind her. He wasn't. _I could just move into the main house, right? Kirishima-sama seems to like me well enough, and That Jerk seems to be scared of him…_

She began to walk exaggeratedly slow, sneaking up the stairs with what she thought was great stealth - when anyone else would be immediately tipped off to the fact that she was trying to hide something. _All I need is a few clothes and I can walk there… it's only two miles. Or five, or something like that. Or maybe I can have Bankotsu drive me - he owes me, right? Right._

She grinned, taking the steps two at a time - abandoning stealth for sheer exhilaration. _That jerk is going to get his comeuppance - oh, yes he is!_

- - -

"No, not exactly…" Kagome shifted uncomfortably under the elder Kirishima's gaze.

"So it wasn't a love match?" He pondered this, absently setting a white stone on the board. The girl bit her lip from pointing out that he practically sacrificed an entire cluster with that thoughtless move, and gave him a little grace. She aimed for a rather pointless stone a little farther away.

"More like an accident, really. Kikyou ran off, I guess, and since I look like her…"

"So, they were trying to trick me. Hah! Useless sons of mine, can't do a thing right." He smacked another stone onto the board, apparently not even realizing that Kagome was aiming to trap his stones. In fact, she had several unfinished 'traps' in the making, because her opponent didn't seem to even pay attention at all. "Idiots," he grunted again.

Kagome bit back a smile and placed a stone wildly.

"What move was that, girl?" A slender finger jabbed in her direction, golden eyes narrowed. "Placing such a careless stone - hah! With that sort of play, you won't last a second!"

"I'm sorry," she murmured, fighting the urge to giggle at his impromptu lecture - when he could have used the exact same one. "I'll try harder."

"Yeah, you do that! Hah! Person to lose gets to cook dinner!"

- - -

Sesshoumaru ignored the two pairs of eyes following his every movement through the kitchen.

"She left you, didn't she?" Inuyasha fairly gloated, resting his chin on Sango's head.

"You really didn't think she was just going to keep taking that attitude of yours, did you?" his wife agreed, snuggling comfortably into his lap.

"Yeah, she's a smart girl - too smart for the likes of you," he jeered.

"Really, I don't see why you couldn't treat her with a little more respect."

Sesshoumaru forced himself to ignore their words as he grabbed a carton of milk.

"It's curdled," Sango added, with almost no pause.

He put it back.

"And she's under dad's eye now, isn't she?" Inuyasha snickered. He'd finally one-upped his brother - after all, _his_ wife was in his arms, and Sesshoumaru's fiancée… well, she'd flown the coop.

"Better to be there than here. He'll teach her how to be an appropriate Kirishima bride," the older brother forced himself to say coolly - uncaring and distant as always.

"Appropriate…?" Sango straightened suddenly, ignoring the pain from suddenly smacking into her husband's jaw. "What do you mean, appropriate?"

"Silent, meek, do the bidding of her husband, wear appropriate garb… that sort of thing," Sesshoumaru replied in a rather offhand manner, deciding that orange juice wouldn't be too bad after all.

"Inuyasha spit in that," Sango cautioned automatically, eyes wide with horror as she envisioned her best friend's horrible situation. Suddenly turning on her husband, she glared at him. "You mean you knew all of this and you just let her go!"

He blinked. "Knew - w-wait a second! I had no--"

"You just let her leave here to go into some horrible hell like that where my sweet Kagome will disappear, turning into some mindless robot with no thoughts of her own!" she half-screeched, completely shattering Inuyasha's hope for some fun time before dinner. Not that they hadn't had some before, but…

"N-Now hold on…" his ears fell back pathetically before his wife's wrath. "It's not--"

"I can't believe you two! Kirishima men!" she fumed, grabbing Sesshoumaru's glass and throwing it at him (missing by about half a centimeter) before storming out of the kitchen. "Fine! I'll just have to save her myself!"

"S-Sango…"

- - -

The three of them sat silently, staring rather uncomfortably at the Go board. That is - Sango and Kagome were staring at the board, while the head of the Kirishima household stared fixedly at his youngest son's wife.

"Mated," he grunted.

Sango colored and nearly crossed her eyes with her effort of staring at a single white stone. Where did that fly come from?

"Didn't bother inviting me," he muttered, sounding incensed.

Kagome tensed and continued staring at the last stone she'd placed. _Oh dear._

"Ungrateful bastards!" he roared, slamming his fist onto the board, stones clattering to the floor. "Telling such lies about me, and hiding my daughter-in-law! See if they're ever allowed back into my house!"

Kagome cringed. _I knew that was going to happen._

Sango jumped, then glanced at her best friend in worry. "Is he really going to do that?" she whispered.

"Probably," Kagome whispered back. "He hasn't been too happy with them for the past century or so."


	10. Balcony Scene, Take One!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Inuyasha.

**Replaced Bride – Part X  
**Balcony Scene (Take One!)

They stared at the letter as though it were written in...

Well, orange juice, or something.

"So we're banned from the main house?" Inuyasha asked slowly – as though confirming the little message would make it any easier to swallow.

All the question did was earn him a sharp glare, something really close to a scowl except without any movements of any facial muscles whatsoever, and a (very human-like) utterance of "_damn those women!_"

- - -

"Kagome-sama?"

She glanced up from her magazine almost guiltily, as though the maid could see the gossip column from half the room away. "Er, yeah? I mean, yes?"

She tilted her head slightly. "...Yes...?"

"Th-th-th—" The maid met her eyes briefly, gulped, looked away. Fidgeted. Rubbed one foot up against the other.

Curiosity well and truly caught (this was the first time she had seen _anyone_ employed by the Kirishima family who acted like a real person), Kagome softened her tone. "Was there something you needed?"

"Th-th—" Squeak. Cough. Glance around wildly. "_Look below your balcony in an hour!_" she hissed in a tone of dire warning, before dashing down the hall.

"Wait! Wait – what? Excuse me?"

Closing the magazine and tossing it to the side, Kagome gave her curtain-covered balcony doors a wary look. The way the maid had _said_ the sentence sounded more like "Good God, run away _now_ before it's too late!" mixed with "If you don't look _I'm going to die_!", which... didn't exactly endear her to the idea of going out there. In the cold. To look at whatever was there. At (she glanced at the clock) 3 in the morning.

And she had a nasty little feeling as to what might be there when she looked, too.

"...I think Sango could use some company," she decided brightly. "Yes, that's it! Company! The poor girl, she has had Inuyasha around the entire time... little time to herself... little time for girl time! Right, girl time. Chocolate and um, brownies. Chocolate and brownies," she repeated, practically chanting the words over and over as she half-skipped down the hall (a careless effect which was completely ruined by her glancing over her shoulder with each step).

She half-slammed open her friend's door and chirped loudly, "Chocolate and brownies! It's _girltime!_"

Sango arched a brow. "And the chocolate and brownies are... where? And aren't brownies chocolate in the first place?"

"Er, right." Kagome laughed weakly and tiptoed over to the little fridge, inspecting the contents gravely.

Then glanced up and beamed. "So... wine?"

"That's beer, Kagome."

- - -

"There's a monster."

She nodded vigorously.

"Under your _balcony_."

Another nod.

"And the doors to your balcony are...?"

"Locked," she chirped.

"And your balcony is how high up...?"

"Th...ree stories?"

"And you know it's there because...?"

"Maid tol' me." She squinted at the label on the can. "Wha'z sodi-yum?" Puzzled. Pondered. "I'ma s'posed t'know, ya?"

_Beer is probably worse for her than wine,_ Sango concluded with a sigh – having (for once) been smart enough to abstain.

"So the little maid told you that there was a big bad monster under your _locked_ balcony, and you decided you needed to sleep here instead of getting eaten up by the big bad monster?"

"Sounds 'bout right!"

"Uh-huh." She swirled the contents of her still-open can, and once again counted. _One, two, three... five... seven... Yep, that's seven cans in the past twenty minutes._ "Are you sleepy yet?"

"Not at aaaaaaall," Kagome gleefully replied, and made a (very badly executed) little pirouette in the middle of the bed. And, needless to say, she giggled hysterically when she fell over in absolute failure. Then – suddenly not laughing at all and drunkenly deadly serious – she rolled over, looked at Sango, and asked the forbidden words. "Where's In'yasha?"

Another glance at the cans.

Sango thought very, very hard.

And for some reason, she couldn't remember exactly why it would be smart to be sober instead of drunk.

It was, after all, girl time.

- - -

Kagome carried the baseball bat with (she thought) enormous and wonderful stealth across her room, eyes locked on the weaving image of the balcony doors in front of her. "Here, monsty monsty monsty," she called in a sing-song voice, finally making it to the door and unlocking it with fumbling fingers. "Come out, come out, wherever you aaaaare..."

Somehow, another four beers had taken the speech impediment out of her words – though it had done something seriously bad to her brain.

Then she glanced over her shoulder and hissed loudly, "Will you _be quiet_? Mr. Monster won't come out if you keep doing that!" to the invisible Sango that had followed her down the hall, while the real Sango slept off the effects of several beers in her own room.

Three very long, tiptoed and wonderfully stealthy-ninja-like strides later, Kagome peered over her balcony with all the lights blazing behind her. Not that the lights would _ever_ give away the fact that she was standing there, of course, because she was _stealthy ninja Kagome_.

"Mr. Monster?" she shouted in a very sneaky sort of way.

"You're _late_," her (very cold and annoyed) fiancé snapped from three stories below, snapping his nearly dead cellphone closed. It was then she realized that (how odd, how odd!) her phone had been ringing.

"Are you the monster?" Kagome shouted again, with her great interrogative skills.

Sesshoumaru's eyes narrowed, and the new number one rule of his life surfaced in his mind – _Don't reason with drunk women._

So, ignoring her question, he said coolly and coldly and with great amounts of _Pay Attention And Do As I Say_ in his voice, "Get down here and get in the car, Kagome."

"Oh yeah? Where's your lair where you're gonna take me to and eat me and play poker and eat chips? Huh?" she snapped with great intellect. "You tell me that and I'll go, 'cause I'll tell the cops and they'll _get you_ before you can eat me. And, um, chips. They _will_. And you won't be Mr. Monster for much longer 'cause, uh, the cops'll have you!"

_Damn crazy woman._ "It's over there," he replied blandly. "Will you go now?"

"No!"

_I'm going to kill her. I'm going to get her to sign those papers and then I'm going to kill her. Or maybe I'll kill her and forge the damn papers. _"What if I'm not the monster?" he inquired, throwing the number one rule to the winds.

"You're not?"

"Not even a little bit," he lied.

"Oh, well then." Kagome dropped the baseball bat over the balcony rails (he blinked as it fell to the ground; she hadn't even been waving it threateningly, much less made him aware of its presence) and giggled. "Then hello, Romeo!"

_Romeo? That ridiculous gay guy from that ridiculous play made years ago?_

No, wait, he hadn't been gay. Had he?

"Are you coming down now?"

"No," she replied coyly, resting her arms on the rails and beaming down at him with an artlessly cute smile. "That'd make me easy then, and no Juliet is easy."

_Right._ "But you're my fiancée," he pointed out. "Fiancées are _allowed_ to come down from the balconies and go home with their future husbands." _So get your ass down here, you troublesome wench._

Kagome pondered this for a moment, then yawned.

"I'm sleepy. Good night!" she announced, before flouncing into her room, locking the balcony doors with a snap, and – probably – falling to the floor in a drunken heap.

While Sesshoumaru was left – below her balcony, in the cold, at three in the morning – to stare where his wayward fiancée _had_ been, and almost decide to go and get her himself before a very, very familiar voice said from the balcony _four_ stories up, "I already told you that you aren't welcome here."

_Damned drunken women and damned pouting fathers!_

- - -

**Comments:** Uh, yeah. Just don't take anything seriously. Hello, crack, how I've missed you. Work too much, go to school too much, crack deprivation. Result? New RB chapter. Go, life!

Has it really been two years?


End file.
